You know you're 30 weeks pregnant when....

Today I hit 30 weeks!

10 weeks left.

70 days.

Wait....70 days sounds exponentially longer than 10 weeks....

...so I'm going to stay with the weeks for now.

Almost down to single-digit weeks!  Woohoo!

Then, I will end my pregnancy career for good.

(Dear God, you better not be laughing at me when I say that this time.  Please and Thank you.  Amen)

So...instead of a checklist of new and exciting things, I thought I'd do a little satire in celebration of the last quarter of my pregnancy.

You know you're 30 weeks pregnant when:

• Passing gas in front of your spouse is no longer taboo.  It's necessary.  It's painful, and there's limited space in there.  Go ahead....let it out.

• Your children go to hug you good-bye, and get clothes-lined by the belly.

• You keep your cell phone in your front pocket in order to avoid butt-dialing people.  However, you're now starting to BABY-dial everyone.

• The 3 point turn you made yesterday in the mini-van is nothing in comparison to the 8 point turn you made in bed last night.  Yes, sleeping comfortably has turned into a logistical nightmare.

• The puppy no longer wants to be on your lap....she's sick of getting clobbered by the belly.

• Your crazy workaholic husband says nothing when he catches you napping on the couch.  Instead, he kisses you on the cheek and says a prayer of thanks that you're not awake and crabby.

• You take off your sandals, but your feet are still imprinted with sandal straps an hour later.

• There are some points that you can literally feel your hips spreading.

• You play the game "poke the baby" and can loose hours seeing how much hostility a baby can harbor before it pokes back. 

• In casual conversation with your spouse, you find out that you've started snoring......10 weeks ago.

• A good night sleep is considered only getting up twice to use the bathroom.

• The words "sciatic nerve" make you scowl.  (However, thanks to this post, I'm currently pain free!  woohoo!)

• You've gone through more TUMS in the last two months than you have in the last 2 years.

• Being down to one TUMS at 9pm is literally considered an emergency.

• You simultaneously despise and need maternity underwear.

• Your stomach is starting to resemble a funky scene from the movie Alien.

• Your sinuses are on high alert to low pressure systems.

• You'd gladly give up your favorite pair of earrings for a cocktail at GNO.

• Maternity fashion is less about fashion and more about function.  And you don't care.

• You are not a cryer by nature, but bawl hysterically watching Toy Story 3.  Right before a friend is due to stop over.

• You drop things, and honestly contemplate whether or not you really need that cell phone after all.  Some things just aren't worth the bend.

• The loose grip you had on the verbal filter has entirely disappeared.  Entirely.

• Your hips develop jowels.

• Even your most favorite activity (shopping/ bargain hunting) sounds like it requires too much effort.

• Unsolicited belly rubs from perfect strangers make you growl.  Out loud.

• Pregnancy dreams include riding a Knight Rider big wheel across Lake Michigan to get to Milwaukee.

Source: google.com via Sandy on Pinterest

Goodness....being pregnant is fun.  :)