Thursday, August 9, 2012

You know you're 30 weeks pregnant when....

Today I hit 30 weeks!

10 weeks left.

70 days.

Wait....70 days sounds exponentially longer than 10 weeks.... I'm going to stay with the weeks for now.

Almost down to single-digit weeks!  Woohoo!

Then, I will end my pregnancy career for good.

(Dear God, you better not be laughing at me when I say that this time.  Please and Thank you.  Amen)

So...instead of a checklist of new and exciting things, I thought I'd do a little satire in celebration of the last quarter of my pregnancy.

You know you're 30 weeks pregnant when:

  • Passing gas in front of your spouse is no longer taboo.  It's necessary.  It's painful, and there's limited space in there.  Go ahead....let it out.

  • Your children go to hug you good-bye, and get clothes-lined by the belly.

  • You keep your cell phone in your front pocket in order to avoid butt-dialing people.  However, you're now starting to BABY-dial everyone.

  • The 3 point turn you made yesterday in the mini-van is nothing in comparison to the 8 point turn you made in bed last night.  Yes, sleeping comfortably has turned into a logistical nightmare.

  • The puppy no longer wants to be on your lap....she's sick of getting clobbered by the belly.

  • Your crazy workaholic husband says nothing when he catches you napping on the couch.  Instead, he kisses you on the cheek and says a prayer of thanks that you're not awake and crabby.

  • You take off your sandals, but your feet are still imprinted with sandal straps an hour later.

  • There are some points that you can literally feel your hips spreading.

  • You play the game "poke the baby" and can loose hours seeing how much hostility a baby can harbor before it pokes back. 

  • In casual conversation with your spouse, you find out that you've started snoring......10 weeks ago.

  • A good night sleep is considered only getting up twice to use the bathroom.

  • The words "sciatic nerve" make you scowl.  (However, thanks to this post, I'm currently pain free!  woohoo!)

  • You've gone through more TUMS in the last two months than you have in the last 2 years.

  • Being down to one TUMS at 9pm is literally considered an emergency.

  • You simultaneously despise and need maternity underwear.

  • Your stomach is starting to resemble a funky scene from the movie Alien.

  • Your sinuses are on high alert to low pressure systems.

  • You'd gladly give up your favorite pair of earrings for a cocktail at GNO.

  • Maternity fashion is less about fashion and more about function.  And you don't care.

  • You are not a cryer by nature, but bawl hysterically watching Toy Story 3.  Right before a friend is due to stop over.

  • You drop things, and honestly contemplate whether or not you really need that cell phone after all.  Some things just aren't worth the bend.

  • The loose grip you had on the verbal filter has entirely disappeared.  Entirely.

  • Your hips develop jowels.

  • Even your most favorite activity (shopping/ bargain hunting) sounds like it requires too much effort.

  • Unsolicited belly rubs from perfect strangers make you growl.  Out loud.

  • Pregnancy dreams include riding a Knight Rider big wheel across Lake Michigan to get to Milwaukee.

Source: via Sandy on Pinterest

Goodness....being pregnant is fun.  :)


Anonymous said...

Sorry about the snoring... But at least you don't have to hear it ;) One small bonus! I can't believe it is only 10 weeks!!!

Brittney said...

I only snore when I'm preg!!! And I lol'ed about all the Tums points, because I can relate! No telling how many times my husband ran out to get me some before bed. I literally maxed out the number of times I could print the coupon off their website frim my computer! ;)

Sarann said...

Ahhh, the other side of the tunnel for me! But I sympathize and feel for you and hope the last 10 weeks are good to you. I am still supposed to be pregnant and look at this sweet girl and am amazed that she is in my arms and not in my belly any more. I can't wait to read you birth story!

Rebecca B said...

Love this list :) Just had my nightly tums ;) and laughed out loud at many, many of these. I went to see Toy Story 3 in the theater a couple days before my due date with H. Needless to say, it was not a good idea.