Our new normal.

So.... that as an insanely long sabbatical from writing.

Actually, I was writing, I just wasn't publishing.

To sum up the last 4 1/2 months of our lives:

We left our church.

There's about a million more behind those four words,
but that sums it up into a nice tidy little package. 

For some of you, its like no big deal.  People leave churches all the time, right?  But... for Dave and I, this church was the one we carefully chose 12 years ago to raise our children in, to grow old in.  The one that we chose to spend our time, talent, and treasures in.  These people were our non-related family.

And we left.

I have written this post about a dozen times, and tried in every different way to explain it.... in detail.... in vague terms.... but I had to work through the anger and disappointment before I could put it together in a tidy little package.  Dave and I have committed to taking the high road through all of this.... closing our lips when we want to spit venom, praying for those that we are disappointed in.... so, it has taken me this long to write.

In true Pardon My Dust form, I decided to make a list of things I'm thankful for in this process.  Because there is always,
                                     always,
                                               always

something to be thankful for:

- For a rock-solid marriage.  For a husband who reaches for my hand in the middle of the night just to let me know he's laying awake thinking and praying for our family- just like I am.

- For the perfect hug from my parent's friend at the perfect time.

-  For a clear "no, I am not calling you here at this moment in time"

-  For old acquaintances who journey with you... and become great friends.

-  For time away at my childhood home just to enjoy summer a bit.

-  For time to play with my portrait lens.

-  For time to sit by the water and pray.

-  For the perfect timing of a Godly mentor.

-  For the good tissues

-  For laughter that makes you cross your legs and makes your abs hurt- the next day.

-  For the self-control to NOT send that knee-jerk email and NOT punch anyone

-  For the perfect prayer at the perfect time.

-  For boys who ask questions while they're processing things and grieving the old.

- For a toddler- who will have no memory of this before/after life event.

-  For a new church and school.... who have gone out of their way to be welcoming and inviting.

- For the promise that, "yes... this will eventually feel like home."

-  For the large families with lots of kids who make me look like a procreating under-achiever.

-  For God to give me some time alone- separated from friends- to process and lean on Him.

- For the surprise "good-bye" to help our boys process.

- For the shorter commute.

- For the all-in mission

- For the burning bush moment

-  For the invitations

- For the feeling of peace after worship.

-  For open ears.

- For open hearts.

- For closed chapters.

The safe place

There are some big changes coming in our little world.

Big changes for us, that is. 

It probably won't affect many of you as much as it will us.

That's a different story for a different day, though...
(we're all healthy and our marriage is good....just lots of big changes- don't worry- we will update soon)

....because despite what the details are on our changes, this post deals with changes in general.

And how we deal with them, right?


This is a new season of parenting for Dave and I.

Meaning: this is the first time we're helping

our children navigate a heartbreak.

Up until now, we have only helped dry tears of skin abrasions and being too tired. 

Temporary things.

This is certainly a "before and after" moment in their lives.

So...my kids are dealing with it in different ways according to the way God wired them.

Both of them are turning to prayer. 

All on their own. 

And their prayers start for people other than themselves. 

(side note: oh, my mama's heart....)

On the other hand:

A. is showing a trend to anxiety attacks and OCD issues.

Middle C bottles everything up and shows anger bursts and then nightmares.



When these nightmares hit, naturally Middle C ends up at my bedside; cold, clammy and shaken.

I invite him into our bed- because I know that this is his safe-space.  Where he feels loved and safe.  He calms down after some time and falls into a deep deep sleep.  The kind of trusting sleep that cannot be shaken.  The kind of sleep that is balm for a hurting soul.

Then I lay there and listen to he and Dave breathing.  Peaceful in their sleep, but I'm awake now...

...my brain doesn't shut off.

                                             ...my child is hurting....


                                                                                 ....my heart is hurting....

....the future is uncertain.

Then I start to pray.

I start by being thankful for all we have, all we have been through, for the times God has called us to be obedient and we have listened.  I ask for convicting where I need to be convicted.  And, as Middle C blissfully slept in his safe place, I asked for God to show me where MY safe place was.

And He answered.

He reminded me of a conversation I had with my bestie, Gina, more than 20 years ago.

In that 2 a.m. place, God brought to me a 30 second conversation that is

OVER TWO DECADES old.

Two decades, people.

(side note:  how did I get this old?!?!?)

When she described her safe place in times of trouble:

Right in God's hands.

She said that she imagined these HUGE hands of God's cupped and her sitting right in the middle of it all- teeny tiny, but totally protected.  Nothing could touch her in that place...there was only peace, love and God's protection.

God used a very old conversation - a mustard seed planted by my friend so so long ago- to solidify and calm my troubled heart this week.

And since that moment, I have been at peace.  I am ready to make big decisions, and I am ready to follow my husband's lead.

So...now, in the midst of all this turmoil, I know that I am in a safe place.

The safest place.

I am held.

 

I am protected.

 

I am safe.

 

I am ready.

 

 

 

 

 



The obligatory First Day of School post

The boys started school yesterday.

The rest of Michigan starts on Tuesday.

I love that we started a week ahead.

I was ready.

So were they.

Here's a pic of the boys outside the school on our way in.

I asked them to take a nice pic.

I was sure that one of them would give me a fit about posing together.

But, when the time came,

this is what they gave me.

Oh melt my mom-heart.

I took A. down first- because I knew my opportunity to catch a pic would be slim.

Here he is right after unloading into the locker.

You should see the end of year pic I have of him with the lockers last year.

Homeboy GREW over the summer!

Then, I took my **new** school boy down to Kindergarten.

Oh, how I love that grin!

He was SO excited to see his old friends, meet new ones,

use his NEW Spiderman lunchbox...

...you name it, he was excited about it.

He sits on the "C" for circle time.

Appropriate, don't you think?

After getting C. situated, I decided to go wish A. a great day at school.

I called his name a few times....

....but by now I was a pretty distant memory.  :)

I cannot tell you enough how much I LOVE our school. 

I love that it's a safe environment for my children to excel academically and socially.

I love that they learn God's way of living.

I love that they are prayed for.

And loved.

And I love that I have an entire day all to myself.

You know....for the next 7.5 weeks.

The annual camping trip

While the idea of "camping" doesn't send thrills up my spine, it isn't something I flee from either.

Once a year, the opportunity arises to go up north with some fantastic friends from our small group,

so we borrow Dave's parent's RV...pack up....and head into the great not-too-far north.

We know we're getting closer to the campground when we see things like this:

Yes, northern Michigan....a place where hicks still go to roost.  :)

Why, yes...that is duct tape with it's reflective properties writing "Git-R-Dun" on the front of that Astro Van.

Ally came too.

My, a lot changes in a year. 

Kids are older.

Molly is gone.

Ally joined our pack.

Baby on the way.

Ally had a hay-day digging in the dirt.  Home girl had a great time.

She would dig until she found a root, and then play tug with it.

The kids learned that she doesn't bite...but she jumps.

Apparently, they liked to learn again, and again, and again.

Poor Ally thought they were only playing with her...and when they screamed,

she took that as screams of glee....which they weren't.

We had lots of fun family activities to keep us busy during the weekend:

Swimming:



Archery:

Father/Son shoot out

The men had a shoot out too.

I cannot even remember if there was a winner.  :)

Clearly, none of us have an archery background.

You can also see in the background of the above shot that there's a tennis court, obstacle course,

miscellaneous games, and a basketball court back there too!

Hobo pie making:

Saturday afternoon we made pizzas in them for lunch.  Mmmmmm.

Ally was smelling the remnants.  :)

There was fishing:

Lots and lots of fishing.

This dock was right off our camp site.

The boys had a great agreement.

C. baited the hooks, A. fished and reeled them in, C. removed the fish from the hook and released them.

This picture warms my heart. 

I even got to fish!!!

(Which is also #88 on my List!!!)

The boys were totally impressed that I could bait my own hook and take the fish off.

I think I earned some awesome-boy-mom points that afternoon.

However, chivalry is not dead.

C. was itching to help his mommy out by taking my BIG CATCH off the hook.

So, of course....I let him.  It was a small price to pay.  ;)

Of course, there was snacking:

(look, mom....GLUTEN FREE bird seed!)

Bird seed is a mix of Cheerios, raisins (or in my case, Craisins), peanuts and M&M's.

It's a tradition for any trip in our family.  :)

Of course, the boys got their own bag of gluten-ous Bird Seed.

I was just excited to be able to have it this year!

We slept....a little bit.

The first night is always a learning curve.

Dave always had A. in the top bunk with him, but A. is getting WAY too big for that.

So, he was down on the fold out couch with me the first night.

C. was on the fold down table.

Mistake.

A. clearly needed his own bed.

I slept about 2 hours that night....chopped up.

I was soooo thankful for Dave taking the boys swimming on Saturday afternoon so I could take a nap.

Saturday night, we gave A. the fold down table and C. slept in the middle, me on the wall.

Dave had the top bunk.

I put the travel DVD player on, and there was no fighting to go to bed.

No fighting in bed....and they zonked out within 15 minutes.

Here's Sunday morning's bed carnage by phone camera.

And last, but not least...my favorite picture of the weekend.

Our friends, Randy and Cindy celebrated their 6th wedding anniversary last weekend

and brought cake.

Graham really enjoyed it.  :)

Hump Day

I have a pregnancy related post in mind for tomorrow,

and since miscellany works well for me,

I'm going to do it a day early.

Yes, with pictures.

I've been having more fun with my DSLR lately.

I love toying with it.  And light.  And my lenses.

I have my eye on a new pretty lens....but it's costly.  Sigh.

Here's some of my favorites from last Friday's field day:

More field day pictures:

The Sack race

This is just after the guy said "Go." 

The boys were taking their first steps over the line trying to figure out how to run in the sacks.

Boys are not necessarily graceful, and right after I shot this one, about half of the boys bit the dust.

A. took third in this race.

I was shocked for three reasons:

1.  I'm not athletically inclined, so the super competitive nature of these things and any winning is not in my blood.

2.  A. seems to have inherited my "not-so-graceful" gene.  However, he never fell once.

3.  My boy is huge for his age.  The fact that he can run in one of those small sacks and not fall is a feat within itself.

Look at the lady behind the line telling A. he's about to get third place.  :)

This is the long 200 m race.

You know, the one I told you about last week?

This is the start where he was to the far left of the runners.

They condensed them so fast that he got crammed into a pack and was tripped.

And got ran over by a few kids....but who's holding grudges?!?!?

ahem....anyway.

I'm just heartbroken for him.  He was really looking forward to this race.

Here he is after the final turn.

He's "kicking in his turbo-boosters." (his words)

He's in the top third.

He ran with integrity.

I'm proud of my son for his behavior that day (as opposed to other days....when I'm not so proud....).  He was a good sportsman, he competed with integrity, and while he placed twice, he never seemed crazy-winner boastful, and still cheered his friends on.  He even made friends with a boy from another school (who consequently beats all the boys at all the sports- which would cause me to despise him if I were competing against him).

Other than that:

• I had the chance to catch up with my dear friend, Karen, this morning.  Time flies with her.  I love chatting with her.

• This post from Michelle is one of my favorites.  It made me laugh out loud for a few reasons: #1- there are some conversations I recognize and #2 - I'm glad I'm not the only one who has crazy texting conversations.  :)

• I have a minor sunburn from Friday's field day.  And realized today I'm peeling.  This grosses me out.

• Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold. Blazing. Freezing. Hot. Cold. This is the current weather pattern in Michigan.  I honestly wouldn't be surprised if D. got called out to plow on the 4th of July.

• Our envelopes were short(er) this month.  I was seriously beating myself up trying to figure out where I messed up.  Then, I realized that we have 5 weeks this month.  Including two holidays (Mother's Day and Memorial Day).  And then I calmed down and am working on making rice and beans yummy until Friday.

• I have discovered the secret to keeping my puppy happy and quiet all day long: an empty peanut butter jar. (phone pic...sorry)

• I could use a nap.

• I could use a GNO.

• Summer break starts this Friday.  I'm both grateful and apprehensive.  I'm happy to spend more time with the boys, and I'm grateful to forget about the school schedule (and 2 hours spent a day in driving and extra $140 a month in gas and early mornings), but I'm apprehensive because I want to keep my productivity level high with work while not creating couch potatoes or having the boys killing each other.  Or me loosing my mind.  I'm hoping for an intentionally fun summer.

• I'm continuously amazed by how much allergies affect everything else.  Sleep, breathing, stomach woes, balance, ability to concentrate....

• And guess what arrived about a half hour ago:

DEMO DEMO DEMO!!!

First family vacation in over 6 year.

The last vacation we took as a family was when A. was 4 months old.  We flew out to Vegas to see my brother and his family as he was stationed at Nellis AFB.

It's been too long since we had a vacation.

So, this opportunity came up through church to go camping for an extended weekend, and we took it.

There were only four families that came, but that's cool- cause they were all cool families.

One family is in our small group.

Since we came home, C. keeps asking to see his "bes' frin."

Anyway...there's pictures.

So, here's our "tenament on wheels"

(quick, what movie?)

"Don't go falling in love with her now, Clark.  She's comin' with us when we leave here next month."

Pets were welcome, so Molly-girl came along.  (aka. Grey beard.  aka. babygirl  aka. the spaz)

.

There was fun landscaping:

And fishing a plenty:

More fun landscaping:

Bike riding:

Game playing:

Canoeing:

Playing (and falling off play sets- sorry, Brady!!!)

More sleepy bike rides:

Up close pictures:

Pretty Bayou sunsets:

Monkeys on boats:

(yes, you read that correctly.  See below)

Shared campfires conserving firewood:

Chilling out:

Dirt:  Plentiful plentiful dirt: 

Oh, the dirt....

Visits from swans:

Chapel complete with communion on a beautiful Sunday morning:

Lunch with pastor and Laurie:

THEN, we came home to this:

That background would be the NEW carpet in the boys' room!!!  It was laid while we were gone. 

It was so nice to come home to something new and fun in the addition!!!

And it smelled like "new house" too.

What a great weekend. 

What a great way to come home!