Thursday, May 28, 2015

The safe place

There are some big changes coming in our little world.

Big changes for us, that is. 

It probably won't affect many of you as much as it will us.

That's a different story for a different day, though...
(we're all healthy and our marriage is good....just lots of big changes- don't worry- we will update soon)

....because despite what the details are on our changes, this post deals with changes in general.

And how we deal with them, right?

This is a new season of parenting for Dave and I.

Meaning: this is the first time we're helping
our children navigate a heartbreak.

Up until now, we have only helped dry tears of skin abrasions and being too tired. 

Temporary things.

This is certainly a "before and after" moment in their lives. kids are dealing with it in different ways according to the way God wired them.

Both of them are turning to prayer. 

All on their own. 

And their prayers start for people other than themselves. 
(side note: oh, my mama's heart....)

On the other hand:

A. is showing a trend to anxiety attacks and OCD issues.

Middle C bottles everything up and shows anger bursts and then nightmares.

When these nightmares hit, naturally Middle C ends up at my bedside; cold, clammy and shaken.

I invite him into our bed- because I know that this is his safe-space.  Where he feels loved and safe.  He calms down after some time and falls into a deep deep sleep.  The kind of trusting sleep that cannot be shaken.  The kind of sleep that is balm for a hurting soul.

Then I lay there and listen to he and Dave breathing.  Peaceful in their sleep, but I'm awake now... brain doesn't shut off.

                                    child is hurting....

                                                                        heart is hurting....

....the future is uncertain.

Then I start to pray.

I start by being thankful for all we have, all we have been through, for the times God has called us to be obedient and we have listened.  I ask for convicting where I need to be convicted.  And, as Middle C blissfully slept in his safe place, I asked for God to show me where MY safe place was.

And He answered.

He reminded me of a conversation I had with my bestie, Gina, more than 20 years ago.

In that 2 a.m. place, God brought to me a 30 second conversation that is


Two decades, people.
(side note:  how did I get this old?!?!?)

When she described her safe place in times of trouble:

Right in God's hands.

She said that she imagined these HUGE hands of God's cupped and her sitting right in the middle of it all- teeny tiny, but totally protected.  Nothing could touch her in that place...there was only peace, love and God's protection.

God used a very old conversation - a mustard seed planted by my friend so so long ago- to solidify and calm my troubled heart this week.

And since that moment, I have been at peace.  I am ready to make big decisions, and I am ready to follow my husband's lead., in the midst of all this turmoil, I know that I am in a safe place.

The safest place.

I am held.
I am protected.
I am safe.
I am ready.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Counting Mine {364-386}

Friends, this is a therapy post.  It's for me.  Feel free not to read. 

My MOPS mentor mom - even though she was absent from our meeting yesterday- still found a way to bless me and God used her and her circumstances to pierce my heart.  She left a gift for each of us at our table...and followed it up with an email reminding us to be all circumstances.  That has always been a motto of mine as well, but as soon as the sh*t hit the fan this week, I failed.

I forgot to be thankful.

So, in an effort to calm my heart amidst the storm...I need to focus on what is good.

(More on the storm later...but if you could pray for me, my family, my friends, our school and our current church body...that would be great.)

364.  Lori.  For who she is.  For what she does.  For listening.  For praying.  For keeping her eyes on God while caring for your husband.  Her grace does not go unnoticed. (And if you would pray for Lori and her husband, Dave, that would be wonderful too)

365.  For the sisterhood of steering. 

366.  For laughter that was balm for my soul. 

367.  #helpishelpful

368.  For the superfruit cosmopolitan.  (It's essentially healthfood, right???)

369.  For Barb.  Oh, my heart loves Barb.  She is steadfast.  She is supportive.  She is an ear.  She offers help.  She has the gift of hospitality (dude...seriously....).  This woman's heart...I just love her.  I'm so so so thankful for her in my life.

370.  Hugs.

371.  Cappicino Crunch Ice cream (a very very small bowl...but it was so good).

372.  For a silent hand-hold in the middle of the night.

373.  For other parents to link arms with during this journey of parenthood

374.  For boundaries.  And understanding when and where they are needed before they are crossed.

375.  For wise pastoral counsel

376.  For just the right speaker to come in at just the right time.

377.  For someone to send me the perfect pin at just the perfect time

378.  For breakfast dinner

379.  For a clearer defination of the words "righteous anger" and the separation between that and "sinful anger"

380.  For punching bags

381.  For obedient hearts

382.  For history.  History in small circles.  Circles that you didn't realize overlapped.

383.  For fast drying toe nail polish

384.  For release.  Freedom.

385.  For the "I'm sorry"

386.  For the forgiveness.