Monday, November 30, 2015

Not Me! Monday

My last Not Me! Monday post was amazingly therapeutic... and these kind of posts come to me faster than any others.  I'm not sure what that says about me or my ability to jump on self-deprecating posts... but I'll just roll with the punches here:

Dave and I do not get out for one date every fall.  We are totally a couple who are always socially active, and have the need to be seen everywhere.  We would never combine our anniversary (September) and my birthday (October) AND his birthday (November) into one date.  Not us! We are a pampered couple, and must have a date night at least once a week in order to feel connected.  We always have an unlimited monthly budget for babysitters and social activities.  And on that once-every-fall-date, we would NEVER combine it with parent/teacher conferences.  Nope!  Not us!  We are not so cheap that we would only want to pay a sitter for one night rather than two.  Heck no!  And on this once-a-fall-date, I would not have stumbled on our way into the restaurant rendering my left foot immobile.  Not me!  I am always graceful, and would never struggle to stand upright on our once-a-fall date!  Nothing says "sexy date night" like curriculum questions and a good solid limp.

I am always the epitome of planning ahead, and would never have to quick run to the grocery store when expecting a friend over within the hour.  Nope!  Not me!  I always do all my shopping once a week after combing over our calendar and planning everything down to the most minute detail.  And on the took-too-long-shopping-trip that never happened, I did not do the unthinkable and lock my toddler in the car with my keys.  I would not have accidentally hit the "lock" button on the toggle while strapping her in the car seat. I would never close all the doors to the car before taking the cart to the back of the van to load our groceries.  I would never yell through the window asking BabyL. to wiggle out of her seat only for her to realize she was strapped in too tight and start crying. I did not have to call my friend and ask her to go to my house to retrieve our back up toggle to unlock my doors.  Nope!  Not me!  I am a fantastic hostess, and am always ready for my guests, and would never inconvenience my guests to help me and my distressed toddler.  The following picture was never taken:  (side note: thanks, Mel!)