Yearly

Let me start this blog by saying "I'm sorry mom...I know it's not ladylike to talk about the yearly appointment...please feel free not to read."



So, there I was...exactly on time for my yearly appointment that was 1 year and 10 months overdue.

Yep, I'm talking about the yearly.

This was my first visit where I could whole-heartedly say that this is no longer my Obstetrician office, but my full-fledged Gynecologist office. I'm good with that.

But never the less, I come in...and since it's an awesome office- the turn over is low.  So, I'm seeing MA's and RN's and assistants that have held my hand through pregnancies, ultrasounds, infertility, and everything in between...and they're like old friends.  Only the old friends I haven't seen in a while.  But still...good to see them.

Even as I was filling out paperwork, the questions came up:



____________________________________________________________________
When was your last period:  Friday (sorry, the date escapes me, and I don't have a phone on me so I'm essentially helpless)

How long are your cycles:  I'm not sure.  But I'm ornery every 3-4 weeks.

Are you currently pregnant: No. (see aforementioned period on Friday)

Are you planning on becoming pregnant soon:  No, no no noooooooooooooo
_____________________________________________________________________



I had to snicker to myself.  Because I know this is a generalized form, but hey...there are 80 year-olds who come in this office and have to fill out this same paperwork.  I can only imagine the rise they get out of the last question.

 (Note to self:  When I'm 80,

write "yes, with God's help."

just to see the reaction from

the doctor).

So...then my name gets called...and it's the part I'm dreading...the weigh-in.  It's this I've been hiding from.  This is why it's overdue.  Because I let that number determine my self worth.  And I sit there with nothing but that number in the back of my head all darn day. Week. Month. Year.

So...then I weigh in, and ask to pee- basically because I do have to pee, but also to clear out the numbers on the scale.  Because when I came in, there were numbers left up, and I saw how much the sweet little pregnant little lady weighed even with a huge belly.  (did I mention little?)  And I thought "no one needs to see my number." 

Blood pressure: ok.  (take that, darn weight)
Pulse: still beating...and good (surprising because it was INSANE to get me here on time this morning, and just less than 15 minutes ago it was racing because I was running to get there on time...and had a cup of coffee...ok, two).

Then she leaves with the instructions I hear every time I'm here

...gown open to the back, sheet across your lap. 

Bah.


Ok...so here's where my real work begins.  Because I can never tie those darn gowns.  I can get the top one tied ok, but I feel like a contortionist trying to get the middle one...so I'm there- looking like I"m chasing my own tail walking in circles in this 10x10 office...pretty sure I am about to throw my shoulder out of socket. 

Well...skip it. 

So, I pull the gown closed as tightly as possible, and sit "quietly" on the paper, and drape the sheet securely over the rest of me.  But...guess what.

 I keep my sunglasses on my head. 

 Because I needed something other than doctor-provided cotton to give me some security.  And apparently, sunglasses on my head has become my anchor to prevent me from floating into the sea of Abysmal Unclothed Embarrassment.

And then it hits me....


There is a gas bubble brewing.

 I can hear it gurgling in my stomach. 

 It's loud and angry. 

I can literally feel it moving south.

Bless me.

 COME ON, BODY!  Can't you play along nicely- just this ONCE???


The projection that it's moving south is just about faster than the speed of light...and I start to clinch up.  I'm weighing my options...

Do I:


a) let it go and pray there's no odor, or if there is it dissipates quickly???
b) keep clinching and pray for the best?

I'm weighing my options:

A) doesn't work.  I know I have GI issues...for a while now.  There's no such thing as a non-odor gaseous emanation for GI peeps.  No.such.thing.  They're all bad.  And it's just me in this room. No one to blame it on.  Just me.  Waiting with nothing but doctor-provided cotton cloth and sunglasses.

ok- next option:

B)   Just clinch it.  It's my only hope.  I can pray that it will die down and sit quietly in some corner of my gut during the exam...and pray...and pray. 


So, plan b is working well...until I start to sweat.  This nasty bubble has made my entire body break out in a cold sweat.  I'm sweating so bad that the "gown" is starting to stick to me and I need to wipe my brow and upper lip (sexy, I know).

So, then I'm moving around a bit.  Trying to get comfortable.  And what do I realize but the sweat episode has now glued the paper sheet to my exposed skin.  Anywhere I was exposed, now is covered with concrete paper.  Lovely. 

Again, my options:


a) sit there and cover the shredded paper with my ample behind and doctor-provided sheet

or

b) quickly redress the bed and throw away the shredded sheet.

b.  GO GO GO.

Thankfully, the bed was easy to redress and there I am- with new paper on the bed, a few papers stuck to my backside that I'm desperately trying to peel off- standing on the step stool ready to quick plop down when she knocks on the door- because God forbid I sit my sweaty behind down on the paper any sooner than necessary.



Wait...I'm still sweaty- and I'm standing, so I start fanning myself.  Dry off, please dry off.

Knock, knock.

Plop down, cover up..."come in"

The rest of the story is inconsequential (and also tmi), but other than a "well, you're down 10 pounds from when we last saw you...so that's a start.  Keep going."



and my omission of not-saying "well, I'm actually down 24 pounds, but you don't have that documented...so I'm not telling you"

And an examination of a few suspect moles, I am in good health and on my merry way.

But I can say that plan b's worked. 

 

Both of them. 

 

So the long and the short of it is, plan A isn't always the best plan- plan b is usually good.  If executed correctly, things can work out...or you could break into a cold sweat, but keep trying anyway. 

 

 You'll get through. 

The post that took me all summer to write.

*Disclaimer: This is NOT a judgement post.  This is just what's in my heart, for my life, for my family.  No judgement for anyone else who does their life differently.  M'k?  All righty then....on with it:


There's been a big change in our house lately.

So big, in fact, that it took me an entire summer to write.

I'm going back to my roots.

To who I am, who I want to be...and all that this entails.

I'm going to be a mom.

Wait....

"Sandy, you're already a mom," you say.

Yes, I am. 

But not the mom I wanted to be.

Flashback with me to about 7 years ago (well, 7 1/2, but who's counting?  Yeah...I totally am).  We had just recently(ish) moved into the Love Shack.  We spent all our easy cash on purchasing our house (for cash), redoing the entire septic field (cha-ching!), and building a pole barn. 

Our cash was lower than we needed to build the addition.  So, this opportunity comes along to work from home, and it was an answer to prayer.  A. took FANTASTIC 3.5 hour naps in the afternoon, and I could make calls during that time and write up reports after bedtime.  It was a great solution to get us from point A to point B.  We were so thankful.

C. was born approximately 32 weeks after I started the job.  (note the timing there?  yep...felt FANTASTIC during orientation...statement heavily laden with sarcasm...).  When C. arrived, he was a dream baby. 

No, really. 

Two weeks after C. was born, A. went to 5 day-per-week preschool, C. took a 2 hour morning nap.  When A. got home from school, he ate lunch and took a 3 hour nap...at the same time C. took another 2.5 hour nap. 

I was blessed. 

Great sleepers.  Bliss.  I got work done, I slept well at night, and I was showered daily.  Heaven.

As the boys grew...so did their demands. 

For my time. 

For my energy. 

For a lot. 

Financially demands grew too - tuition, health care premiums (thank you, Obamacare...seriously! But that's another topic for another post).  My income helped with premiums and tuition.  That's it.

In the meantime, I had two little boys who saw the back of my head more than they saw my face.  The stranger I was talking to on the phone was more important than the cut on their finger.  They were watching more TV than I wanted to admit.  Really....it was an insane amount.  My house was a mess, my realationships were slipping away because I was always choosing to work, things just weren't.....working.

But I didn't realize it.

I kept plugging away.  Earning my paycheck.

Here's also where I say:

I'll admit I'm not the best of employees.

Especially when I don't really feel passionately or even particularly enjoy what I'm going.

I am VERY right brained. 

VERY.

I have the ability to think logically.  I have the ability to make left-brained things work.

But it's like sanding wood against the grain:

You'll reach your desired outcome...it just may take more effort and friction.

This job?  Numbers.  Lots of numbers.  Entering numbers into a report to make sure they're placed under the right number codes.  Making sure the numbers entered matched other numbers...and more numbers.  I can do numbers...really I can.  I can MAKE it work... But, was I?

So, there were times I wondered how well I was doing.  Sometimes I knew I wasn't doing as much as I should have been, but without a specific quota, I had no idea.  Until you got yelled at, there was no way of knowing.  So, after a long discussion with my boss (5 years into employment) I had a quota.  As I struggled to achieve that every week, the stress continued to climb.

If I was working, I felt guilty for neglecting everything else.

If I was doing anything else, I felt guilty for not working.

It was a crazy cycle.

The guilt mounted, the unhappiness continued, the mess piled up.

Enter Baby L.

The adorable little cherub doesn't sleep.  I didn't realize how great I had it with the boys.  But now I have two boys that need my attention and a baby who never gives me a break.  I was maxed out on stress (a winning formula for those with adrenal fatigue) and dropping every ball I had in the air.  Every.single.one.  Including my work.

That's when the W-2 came in the mail.

I looked at that piece of paper.  It showed me how much I made in the past year.

Honestly, guys....

it was a pittance.

Granted, I took the last 2 months "off" for maternity...but seriously.

Seriously.

That's when it hit me "You're giving up your happiness...your time with your children...for THIS???"

I took a look around at my messy house.  My boys addicted to the TV.  My baby crying in the bouncy chair.

Was it worth it?

The answer was pretty clear.

I had a very candid conversation with my boss.  While I knew my job wasn't in direct danger, I knew that - with my priorities and my passions, it was only a matter of time.  Months, years...I wasn't sure.  But I knew that I wasn't going to continue down this path to find out.

It was no longer worth it.

Even if my salary doubled, it wasn't worth it.

I've wanted to be a mom since I was small. 

I was missing it.

I wasn't present.

I was there...physically, but everywhere else mentally.

I've got one chance while they're young.

One time.

So, I made a choice.  I turned in my notice.  I was asked to finish out my existing inventory...which ended up taking most of the summer.  (That's a long story in and of itself....).  Dave was VERY supportive, and when he came home and I informed him that "I quit my job today," his response was, "I hoped you'd reach that conclusion, but I wanted you to own the decision." 

And while I'm not little suzy-homemaker, my house isn't spotless, I'm not organized, my kids aren't perfect...I can tell you that we're getting there.  We're sacrificing things and those things are just that: things.  I'm no longer sacrificing time.  Time with my kids.  Time to be there to put bandaids on fresh cuts, to let them show me their new tricks on the jungle gym, time to pick apples, time to listen to their stories.  They see my face more now...and less of the back of my head.  Time to rock my baby...rock her calmly, and NOT wish she'd fall asleep fast so I could get some things done.  I have time to pick up my Bible and actually study it.  Study it on my own, study it with my friends, study it with my kids.

I can officially tell you right now:

I am a mom.

I am present.

I am here.

I am listening.

I am smiling.

I am purposeful.

I am passionate.

I am fulfilled.

I am grateful.

So...you've decided to go gluten free (or at least thinking about it)....Now what?!?!

As I've said before, my big mouth is finally paying off! 

I've had now ten (TEN!) people approach me about going gluten free.

I'm so grateful that the past (almost) three years has now led me to being able to help others transition into better health.

In three years, I've attended a lot of discussions about gluten and its affects on the body.  In addition, my wellness Dr. is also gluten free, and has done (EXTENSIVE) research on affects of gluten- all the way back to studying mummies in Europe.  It's amazing to hear all this research, and I just soak it up like a sponge.

D's cousin has recently gone gluten free after her Rheumatologist recommended a gluten free diet in order to avoid heavier meds.  Guess what- in a few months, she's already noticed a difference.

So, if you have ANY digestive disorders, ANY inflammatory diseases, or ANY autoimmune diseases, a gluten free diet CAN HELP YOU. 

It's your choice.

Here's my check-in after 2 years...you can see how it's changed my life.


But staring down the gauntlet of gluten free eating can be daunting, I know.

"How do I get started?!?!?!"  That's what I hear most often.

Here's my top 10 list of getting started.  It's not really as hard as one would think.

1.  Educate yourself.  What is gluten?  (wheat, rye, barley, and (some)oats...although I don't have an issue with oats).  True Celiac's need to eat gluten free oats because they're guaranteed to be grown in a field MORE than 7 miles away from the nearest wheat field.  I'm not that sensitive.  Find some books.  I went to the library and checked out every book on the shelf about gluten.  This is my ultimate favorite:

Source: gfreediet.com via Sandy on Pinterest

Elizabeth Hasselbeck is a self-diagnosed Celiac.  She takes you through her diagnosis journey, and is the ultimate cheerleader to a G-free diet.  In addition, there's an entire page dedicated to gluten free check out candy.  :)  She gives you pointers for living g-free, and gives you great useful strategies for living g-free.  This is the book I reference most when talking about G-free diets and getting started.  It's an easy read too.


2.  Give it 30 days.  It takes 4 days for the gluten to leave your digestive tract.  And the villi in your intestines will start to repair themselves after 10.  After 30, your villi should be (mostly) healed.  Your cravings for gluten free items will diminish by this time.  If you want to try gluten then, you could- just to see how you react.  This is what I did....and whoa, nelly.....did I react.  It was enough to make me never look back.  And the longer I'm off gluten, the better I feel every day.  You can do anything for 30 days, right?!?!?

3.  Create a menu for two weeks.  Then repeat it.  You're at 28 days....just 2 days short of your 30 day goal.  Not to hard, right?  Some of my favorite g-free dinners include the bacon wrapped chicken breast (use g-free bacon!), and the Just Joan Casserole.  There...there's 2 recipes for you that are easy-peasy and yummy too....Next try Spaghetti (with either spaghetti squash or brown rice noodles- I like Prego Natural sauce...that's gfree!), grilled chicken breast, tacos (use corn shells and Mrs. Dash Fiesta spices), and steak.  There's four more.  Find some breakfast foods that you can rotate through ( I go between eggs and an Herbalife protein shake), and some favorite lunch ideas (I love salads or deviled eggs for lunch!), rotate through them...and before you know it, you're at 30 days.  I PROMISE you'll notice a difference at the end of 30 days.

4.  Snacks.  Yes, this deserves a number of its own.  If you're a snacker (which I am), it's important to have some gfree snacks on hand. When I first started, I always had 10 different snacks on hand.  If I have the good choices on hand, I know I will stick to the g free diet.  Here's some of my favorites:

• Costco White corn tortilla chips and Organic corn and black bean salsa
• Hummus (make sure it's gluten free!) with cucumbers
• Apple slices with all natural peanut butter (sprinkled with sea salt for flavor)
• carrot sticks with Marzetti Ranch dressing to dip
• protein bar (not all of these are gluten free...I prefer Herbalife Vanilla Almond, but there are a few others in the store that are.)
• Kraft Tomato Basil (or Jalapeno) Cheese sticks
• Quaker rice cakes (some flavors are not gluten free- be careful!) with natural peanut butter and natural strawberry preserves.
• All natural Kettle Corn
• Hormel mini-pepperoni
• Dannon Oikos Greek Yogurt parfait w/ fresh strawberries and homemade granola (recipe forthcoming)
• Protein crackers (recipe and tutorial forth coming as well)
• A handful of almonds and walnuts
• Special treat for special occasions:  bryers natural ice cream
• Special treat for special occasions:  strawberry shortcake made with gfree Bisquick.

5.  Go get some aloe juice and probiotics.  If you're having a reaction to gluten, chances are at 100% that your gut is out of whack.  Way out.  Did you know that 80% of your immune system is in your digestive tract?!?!?  Yeah...let's get this immune system back up and running at full throttle.  Aloe juice heals from the inside out- you need to make sure you're getting pharmacy grade- other brands can really water it down.  Again, I prefer Herbalife...but you can find equal brands at the health food store.  Probiotics will also help you establish a flora balance in your gut.  This will also help you actually digest the nutrients in your food- rather than eliminating them through ..... ahem....waste.  Be careful, not all probiotics are gluten free.  Ask a pharmacist to help you find one that's good.

6.  Be prepared to be assertive, but also expect to be insignificant.  If you're eating out with friends, don't be afraid to ask to go to a restaurant that you know has a gluten free menu.  Make sure the server KNOWS you are gluten free- so the chef knows to use a separate fryer or grill.  When dining at friend's houses....this is where things get tricky.  They either 1) don't try to do anything g-free 2) Try to do g-free and fail miserably or 3) Try g-free and are wildly successful. 

Of course, I LOVE the #3 friends. 

The #1's really don't hang with us too much anymore- perhaps I'm too high maintenance? (I don't prefer to suck on a half-rotten grapefruit while everyone else eats lasagna, and I don't prefer to sit there while you tell me how awkward it is for YOU- cause it was a total walk-in-the-park for me).

and #2...well, those are dangerous.  Sure, grilled pineapple is gluten free....but the teryaki sauce you just slathered on it is most certainly NOT.  Sure, you purchased the gluten free brownie mix for $5.99/box, but the frosting you put on there is not gluten free (some are, by the way). 

Pot luck dinners are my favorite- I'll bring something that's safe for me to eat and I know at least one thing will be good. 

Otherwise, I have a protein bar in my purse at all times just to tide me over until we're home and around safe food.  You will hurt feelings by not eating some things people will prepare for you, and you will get your feelings hurt.  But, your health is worth it.

7.  Determine how much you're willing to increase your grocery budget.  Yep, gluten free items are and can be very expensive.  Our grocery budget is VERY finite.  I decided that we were only going to spend an additional $25 a month.  That limited my choices in the gluten free aisle.  But...hey, that's ok!  Honestly, most of the substitutes are very high in carbs (this is where I'd love to talk to you about insulin and glucagon and the affect it has on our bodies....but that's another post for another day)....and I really need to focus on my protein intake anyway!  And guess what?!?!?  All basic produce and fresh foods are naturally gluten free.  I've made friends with fresh produce, and I love that area of the store.  :)

8.  Watch the "sneakers".  The things I would assume were safe, but had gluten in them (note:  not all of them have gluten in them, but they are red flags for me to REALLY read labels closely!)....These include:  spice mixes, drinks, sauces, soups, salad dressings, anything with caramel coloring, medicines, blue cheese, beer, alcohol, pop, anything that's flavored, and some gums.

9.  Get comfortable in the kitchen.  If you don't cook, you better learn.  Quickly.  Otherwise, be prepared to spend a lot of money and gain a lot of weight on high carb foods.  Get in your kitchen....  find some recipes online.  The Pioneer Woman's Tasty Kitchen has a whole gluten free section.  Gluten free girl has a blog (as well as a book) that has been helpful.  You'll find what works for you.  Me?  I choose not to have 12 different kinds of flour in my kitchen.  I purchase King Arthur's Multi-purpose flour and Xathan Gum.  In addition, I've picked up brown rice flour and almond meal that I keep in the freezer.  That's it.  Figure out what works for you and stick to it.

10.  Find a support group!!!  My first 30 days I did essentially solo.  It was so isolating, and I was absolutely miserable.  Sure, D. was supportive of figuring out what was wrong with me....but he also didn't want to spend more money, and didn't want to deal with the hassle of it either.  But, in those 3 years, he's discovered the wife that smiles again, who has energy again, who has started to loose weight, and has regained fertility that we didn't know existed.  ;)  He's actually seeing people's behaviors and noticing people he knows and loves that could benefit from a gluten free diet!  Anyway, there will be friends and family members who are 100% in your corner.  Encouraging, accommodating,  and helpful.  Hang onto them.  They are the priceless ones.  I'm happy to encourage you through it!  Let me know how I can help!

Schedule

I'm still detoxing from the busiest weekend ever.

Funny thing, though.  Last Wednesday I literally prayed about my schedule.

I gave it all to God, and let Him help me prioritize everything.

And, the only thing I missed was nutrition class on Thursday evening.

We even found time to visit my parents on Saturday afternoon.

D. even had a "stomach thing" on Sunday, and we still made all our committments.

And then, Monday came...

...and I thought we were "home free."

Except everything we put off all weekend (and last week) was still there waiting to be done.

And the schedule doesn't let up.

So...what I learned last week is that I can find peace with a crazy schedule.

But the peace is not in the "control" of the schedule.

It's in the surrender.

Best Investment EVER!

This is our crib tent. Out of every baby/toddler/child item we've every purchased...I'd have to say that this one is my best friend. Last December, Colin actually figured out how to get out of his crib and fell on his head. At 15 months old, he's not really old enough (and I'm not ready enough) for him to be in a big-boy bed. So, this was our investment. Colin loves it, I love it! I know that even if he's not actually sleeping, he's resting with some alone time. And he's safe. In addition, when he is napping and wakes up early in the afternoon, I can finish an audit without having to cut off an insured. To top it all off, everytime he wakes up, he greets me standing with his lips puckered against the mesh for a good morning kiss. I love that.