Not Me! Monday

Ha! Not Me! Monday is back...well, at least for me. My confession list is long and distinguished. (Quick: what movie is that line from?!?!?)

I did not stand at the nursery counter with my jaw on the ground when my 2 year old pelted my gut with his shoe. He was not totally angry with me for dropping him off in the church nursery. My child would never have a temper issue, and never throws anything- especially at his mommy. And if that did happen (which it totally didn't), I would have been prepared to handle such a situation. I am never unprepared. (And my first instinct was not to throw it back at him...nope! not me!).

I did not continue to watch iCarly after Adam went to bed. I do not enjoy juvenile television programs. Dave was not watching it with me. Nope! Our adult time is strictly that- adult time.

On that same note, I did not sing along to "The ABC Song", "Mary had a little lamb" and "The Wheels on the Bus" while driving my van to the grocery store. I did not get totally busted by the person stopped next to me doing the hand signals to the bus song. I did not look in my rear view mirror to realize that I had no kids in the van at the time. I do not waste adult tune time. And I totally don't know all the hand signals to the Wheels on the Bus. Nope. I'm way too cool for that.

I did not take Colin to a warehouse sale last week and forget to bring my stroller. And if I did forget my stroller, I certainly would have kept a better eye on him and would not have let him reorganize all the boxes and displays. I am never inattentive to my child...no matter how much money I'm saving. He is always my top priority, and I have never taken an eye off him.

Dave and I did not give Adam a "Boo" Ghost to hang in the window so he would feel included. Our son was not heartbroken every day when he did not get Boo'ed. We did not realize that it was all about the ghost sign in the window when we saw him drawing his own ghost sign. We did not find a copy off the Internet, print it out and hide it for him to find. Nope! Not us! Dave and I firmly believe in the school of hard knocks, and would never do anything fake to "keep up appearances" even if it warmed his little heart and put the biggest smile on his face. Nope! Not us!

And a few things I did not say this week:

• Oh, Adam...that's not Colin- he doesn't need a diaper change...mommy is trying to increase her fiber intake. Yea, sorry bout that.


• ADAM, STOP YELLING! YOU'RE HURTING MOMMY'S EARS!!!


• Sorry, boys...mommy left her ipod at home. I guess we're stuck with the grown up music from the radio on the way to school today. What? Oh no...that's not the tip of my ipod sticking out of my carefully concealed coat pocket. No, I'm not hiding it from you just so I can listen to my songs.


• Yes, Adam, we do have a new month with full envelopes. You're correct, I haven't done anything with my eyebrows yet......well, because I've been to lazy and it hurts. ........... Yes, mommy does a lot of stupid things to look pretty for daddy.