Doctor FAIL

Last week, I had strep throat.

I went out with my friends on Tuesday night.

Feeling fine...little stuffed up, but fine none the less.

Returned home at 9:30, and went to bed by 10.

Woke up three hours later shaking uncontrollably.

Freezing my tukus off.

(There's a lot of tukus left, so apparently, I didn't shake hard enough...but I digress)

So, all day Wednesday, I pumped myself full of ibuprofen

Thinking I'm not going to pay $110 for the Dr. to tell me

that I have some viral thing that's going around.

Wednesday, I suffered.

Wednesday night, I was crying.

"Why the heck did I not go to the Dr?!?!  I can't even SWALLOW now!"

So, Thursday, I drop A. off at school and call the Dr. via cell on the way.

Eureka!  Appointment at 8:45 am.

Drive straight there - for them to fit me in at 8:25.

Sah-weet.

Ran into my regular Dr. in the hallway, chatted it up with him a bit.

He said I sounded funny, and I told him I couldn't swallow.

Onto my appointment:

First, I get chastised by his partner because I didn't go to the ER. 

Apparently, when you can't swallow, your airway is in jeopardy.

According to my Dr. when your throat is as swollen as mine was, you're breathing and swallowing through a small straw.

(remember this straw analogy for later, mmmm k?)

I hate the ER.

Plus, I don't have $400 to spend, and 5 hours to waste for a sore throat.

Moving on...

Positive for strep.

VERY positive for strep.

So, she gives me a scrip for amoxicillin.

(and something else...just in case...if you're a lady, you understand)

So, it's now 9:30...and I figure I can run to Target, shop and kill a few birds with one stone.

I get home at 11...in lots of pain (ibuprofen wore off in the Dr. office), and on the verge of tears.

So, I get my ice water ready, pull out my new scrip...

open it up...

HORSE PILL!?!?!?!

Here, please allow me to illustrate:

Dr, please tell me:  Is the diameter of this pill greater than or less than the diameter of this straw?!?!?

And just in case that Dr's idea of a "small straw" is different from mine, here's a larger straw for illustration:

Again:  greater than or less than?!?!?

Just in case my Dr. is a visual learner,

here's a little diagram sure to hit my point home:

The diameter of EITHER straw NOT greater than or equal to the diameter of the pill.

And another diagram for you to learn how your

female patients handle this type of situation

when feverishly delirious and in copious amounts of acute pain.

Do they make adult doses in smaller or liquid form?  Please offer next time to those breathing through a straw.

Signed,

Your patient.