Cancer: the rest of the story

Quite some time ago, I was asked to give a talk about Provision at my Moms on a Mission Group

 (think what follows MOPS)

I thought I'd post it here.

This also explains the rest of the cancer story.  

(sorry for the three year cliff hanger)

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When I received the text asking me to speak this morning about “God’s provision in my life” today, I was sitting at a track meet in Reed City surrounded by a BUNCH of 3-8 grade kids.  It was cold, getting wetter by the minute, and windy.  

But I loved every minute of this day.  

And while the weather wasn’t my favorite – I constantly remember when we were battling infertility, and the me-back-then would have given my right arm to be sitting there that day.  I’m instantly filled with gratitude for the blessing of where I’m at.

 

Then I start thinking about the word 

“provision.”  

My mind goes straight to blessings:

-I have a family.  An amazing family – a loving humble, hard-working husband who can and does so many things for me…including building me a house from scratch.  (And God’s given me ALMOST enough patience to get through it.) He’s also given me 3 children – alive, and loving life.  2 more in heaven with the hope that we will all be reunited someday.  Then the things start, right? House, running cars, work in a building where my 2 littles go to school, I could go on. 

(and on and on and on)

 
There are times in life where the blessings are abundant.  But it wasn’t during a period I would have wished on myself.  In November 2017, it was finally time for an endometrial ablation.  I was all “Yay! No more monthly visits!” But one week later, I received a call, 

“Sandy…we found cancer.  

You have cancer.  

You need more surgery.  

This is your oncologist’s name.  

They will call you.”  

The fear that descended at that moment was nothing short of crippling.  I don’t want more surgery.  What if I suffer?  What if I die? What will become of my kids? 
 
But during this time of fear that cut me to the quick, there was an abundance of God’s provision like I’ve never seen in my life.  To name a few: 

Dave was home after I received the call. (he's ALWAYS gone working)

My pastor was immediately available for prayer. 

Friends just happened to be just around the corner when I called them, and just stopped by.  

Over the course of the next week, God surrounded me and my family with the most amazing community of people who served us as the Hands and Feet of Jesus.  Once I finally got the appointment at the oncologist, so many pieces fell into place, and my surgery was able to jump into a cancellation a mere 3 days later. 
 
The day of my surgery, God worked overtime showing me that He was near- a pastor who showed up as I was just climbing into bed.  (and I will say we had so much fun those 2 hours before the surgery!) The same discharge nurse from my ablation whom I LOVED became my intake nurse for surgery.  The same OR nurse who knew I needed to sing a hymn to calm myself down walked me into the surgical suite.  An oncologist I had 100% confidence in.  Suzanne sent her sister in to greet me at one point. And an endless supply of prayer from all over. 

What a gift.

 
While I was busy trying to eradicate cancer from my body, my kiddos had experiences of their own.  This is where I tell you a bit about MiddleC's story:

My sweet middle son.  He's a lot like me:  Hard shell to crack, but trusting, kind, loyal and very gooey on the inside.  

We prayed together as a family before they left for school.  He held my hand so tight.

So very tight.  

He hugged me with tears brimming his eyes.

He struggled to leave me that morning.

He struggled to stay focused at school that whole day.  Watching the clock.  Knowing I would be in surgery starting at noon.  He couldn't read.  Couldn't focus.  Couldn't eat.  He tried to put on a good show for everyone around him, but he just wanted to be near me.  

He had a basketball game after school.  My surgery ended around 4:30.  The news was cautiously optimistic.  While it wasn't a cut-and-dry surgery, the oncologist reported that she didn't see any cancer cells outside the uterus or in surrounding lymphnodes. (Thank you, God).  Dave had a small list of numbers to text letting them know how I was doing and the outcome of the surgery.  One of them was my dear friend, Heather.  She is a member of my Tribe.  A person I trust to love and care for my children just as I would for hers. She got Dave's text, and at half time went into the team room to give Colin the report.

"I got a text from your dad."

Colin stands and holds his breath. 
He's lion-hearted:
He's going to be brave in this moment. 
He stands tall and strong.

"Your mom is out of surgery.  

She's doing well. 

 It looks like there's no evidence

 of cancer on the outside of the uterus.  

This is good news!"

Exhale.

My boy crumbled.

He crumbled to the floor.  

He wept.

This is where I tell you that we struggled coming to this school. 
A few years prior, 

Our old school closed in a horrible way.  

It took a while for us to feel like this new school was home.  

But...all that heartbreak...all that angst leaving the old behind:  

WORTH IT 

for this moment right here.

Read on.  

This team of young 5th and 6th grade boys?

They crumbled with him.  

They dog piled on him weaping tears of joy with him.

And then - completely umprompted- they ALL broke into song.  

The Doxology:

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow.  Praise Him all creatures here below

Praise Him above ye Heavenly hosts.  Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.  Amen!"

Then, they jumped up, wiped their tears, ran back into the gym and had an amazing second half.

What a gift.

 
Afterward, we received another abundance of God’s provision by more prayer for healing, endless hugs, friends who came to babysit me (and Lucy), rides for our busy family for the next two weeks and so much love through food that our refrigerator was busting at the seams.  

And then, at my follow-up, 

I was given a provision of 

great relief with a Stage 1A ,

 no further treatment needed.  

What a gift.

 
And that’s just this one little fraction of my life thus far.  And that’s a big life event.  In the midst of suffering, God was so clearly abundant.  He’s also in the midst of all my days.  

Mundane, acute, all of them.  

He provides a loving environment for my kids to flourish every day.  An amazing group of friends that I hold dear.  Family that makes me REALLY appreciate my friends.  (I kid….).  All of which I am so grateful for.
 

But…then I think.  

Even if my cancer outcome had been different. 
Even if I had never been able to bear children. 
Even if I was living in a box under a bridge. 
Heck, even without the box under a bridge….

God is still God and God is still good. 

  I need to keep reminding myself of this every time I don’t want to go to the oncologist for some unknown complication….when I don’t want to drive to yet another practice, when I really don’t want to make dinner again….when I see all my friends travelling over spring break, and I’m coveting their adventures….God is still providing for me.  God is still good.  He still provides.

 
And really the ONLY provision I need is Christ crucified.  That’s it.  Nothing else matters.  If I didn’t wake up from surgery, I would open my eyes to Jesus’ face.  Win.  If I lived through surgery (which, I did….spoiler alert), I wake to see loved ones God provided me.  Win.  In the midst of suffering, I had a win/win situation.  

What a gift.  

What mercy.  

What grace.

 
My church is what we call a “confessional Lutheran church.”  Mostly this means that every Sunday, together as a congregation, we recite a creed.  We have 3 to choose from, but mostly we recite the Apostle’s creed.  It’s a statement of faith.  Unwaivering.  The words are succinct and to the point.  And sometimes the repetition of it every week drones on, but it’s like the pledge of allegiance.  It unites.  So many churches all over the world are saying the same words.  The same beliefs.  

Martin Luther has authored a Small Catechism where he breaks down so many things into manageable bites and explains them.  The 10 commandments are in there, as is the Lord’s Prayer, Apostle’s Creed is in there, as well.  He breaks it apart and this is the first article…from the first sentence and its meaning:
 
 
The First Article
Creation
I believe in God, the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth.
 
What does this mean?
I believe that God has made me and all creatures; that He has given me my body and soul, eyes, ears, and all my members, my reason and all my senses, and still takes care of them.
 
He also gives me clothing and shoes, food and drink, house and home, wife and children, land, animals, and all I have. He richly and daily provides me with all that I need to support this body and life.
 
He defends me against all danger and guards and protects me from all evil. All this He does only out of fatherly, divine goodness and mercy, without any merit or worthiness in me. For all this it is my duty to thank and praise, serve and obey Him.
This is most certainly true.
 
 

And this provision is truly all I need.  

Him.  

For me.  

His grace and mercy.  

What a gift.