Quite some time ago, I was asked to give a talk about Provision at my Moms on a Mission Group
(think what follows MOPS)
I thought I'd post it here.
This also explains the rest of the cancer story.
(sorry for the three year cliff hanger)
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When I received the text asking me to speak this morning
about “God’s provision in my life” today, I was sitting at a track meet in Reed
City surrounded by a BUNCH of 3-8 grade kids.
It was cold, getting wetter by the minute, and windy.
But I loved every minute of this day.
And while the weather wasn’t my favorite – I
constantly remember when we were battling infertility, and the me-back-then
would have given my right arm to be sitting there that day. I’m instantly filled with gratitude for the
blessing of where I’m at.
Then I start thinking about the word
“provision.”
My mind goes straight to blessings:
-I have a family. An
amazing family – a loving humble, hard-working husband who can and does so many
things for me…including building me a house from scratch. (And God’s given me ALMOST enough patience to
get through it.) He’s also given me 3 children – alive, and loving life. 2 more in heaven with the hope that we will
all be reunited someday. Then the things
start, right? House, running cars, work in a building where my 2 littles go to
school, I could go on.
(and on and on and on)
There are times in life where the blessings are
abundant. But it wasn’t during a period I
would have wished on myself. In November
2017, it was
finally time for an endometrial ablation. I was all
“Yay! No more monthly visits!” But
one week later, I received a call,
“Sandy…we found cancer.
You have cancer.
You need more surgery.
This is your oncologist’s name.
They will call you.”
The fear that descended at that moment was
nothing short of crippling. I don’t want
more surgery. What if I suffer? What if I die? What will become of my
kids?
But during this time of fear that cut me to the quick,
there was an abundance of God’s provision like I’ve never seen in my life. To name a few:
Dave was home after I received
the call. (he's ALWAYS gone working)
My pastor was immediately
available for prayer.
Friends just
happened to be just around the corner when I called them, and just stopped by.
Over the course of the next week, God
surrounded me and my family with the most amazing community of people who
served us as the Hands and Feet of Jesus.
Once I finally got the appointment at the oncologist, so many pieces
fell into place, and my surgery was able to jump into a cancellation a mere 3 days
later.
The day of my surgery, God worked overtime showing me that
He was near- a pastor who showed up as I was just climbing into bed. (and I will say we had so much fun those 2
hours before the surgery!) The same discharge nurse from my ablation whom I LOVED became my intake nurse for surgery. The same OR nurse who knew I needed to sing a
hymn to calm myself down walked me into the surgical suite. An oncologist
I had 100% confidence in. Suzanne sent
her sister in to greet me at one point. And an endless supply of prayer from
all over.
What a gift.
While I was busy trying to eradicate cancer from my body, my kiddos had experiences of their own. This is where I tell you a bit about MiddleC's story:
My sweet middle son. He's a lot like me: Hard shell to crack, but trusting, kind, loyal and very gooey on the inside.
We prayed together as a family before they left for school. He held my hand so tight.
So very tight.
He hugged me with tears brimming his eyes.
He struggled to leave me that morning.
He struggled to stay focused at school that whole day. Watching the clock. Knowing I would be in surgery starting at noon. He couldn't read. Couldn't focus. Couldn't eat. He tried to put on a good show for everyone around him, but he just wanted to be near me.
He had a basketball game after school. My surgery ended around 4:30. The news was cautiously optimistic. While it wasn't a cut-and-dry surgery, the oncologist reported that she didn't see any cancer cells outside the uterus or in surrounding lymphnodes. (Thank you, God). Dave had a small list of numbers to text letting them know how I was doing and the outcome of the surgery. One of them was my dear friend, Heather. She is a member of my Tribe. A person I trust to love and care for my children just as I would for hers. She got Dave's text, and at half time went into the team room to give Colin the report.
"I got a text from your dad."
Colin stands and holds his breath.
He's lion-hearted:
He's going to be brave in this moment.
He stands tall and strong.
"Your mom is out of surgery.
She's doing well.
It looks like there's no evidence
of cancer on the outside of the uterus.
This is good news!"
Exhale.
My boy crumbled.
He crumbled to the floor.
He wept.
This is where I tell you that we struggled coming to this school.
A few years prior,
Our old school closed in a horrible way.
It took a while for us to feel like this new school was home.
But...all that heartbreak...all that angst leaving the old behind:
WORTH IT
for this moment right here.
Read on.
This team of young 5th and 6th grade boys?
They crumbled with him.
They dog piled on him weaping tears of joy with him.
And then - completely umprompted- they ALL broke into song.
The Doxology:
"Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye Heavenly hosts. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen!"
Then, they jumped up, wiped their tears, ran back into the gym and had an amazing second half.
What a gift.
Afterward, we received another abundance of God’s provision
by more prayer for healing, endless hugs, friends who came to babysit me (and
Lucy), rides for our busy family for the next two weeks and so much love
through food that our refrigerator was busting at the seams.
And then, at my follow-up,
I was given a
provision of
great relief with a Stage 1A ,
no further treatment needed.
What a gift.
And that’s just this one little fraction of my life thus
far. And that’s a big life event. In the midst of suffering, God was so clearly
abundant. He’s also in the midst of all
my days.
Mundane, acute, all of
them.
He provides a loving environment
for my kids to flourish every day. An
amazing group of friends that I hold dear.
Family that makes me REALLY appreciate my friends. (I kid….).
All of which I am so grateful for.
But…then I think.
Even if my cancer outcome had been different.
Even if I had never been able to bear
children.
Even if I was living in a box
under a bridge.
Heck, even without the
box under a bridge….
God is still God and God is still good.
I need to keep reminding myself of this every
time I don’t want to go to the oncologist for some unknown complication….when I
don’t want to drive to yet another practice, when I really don’t want to make
dinner again….when I see all my friends travelling over spring break, and I’m
coveting their adventures….God is still providing for me. God is still good. He still provides.
And really the ONLY provision I need is Christ
crucified. That’s it. Nothing else matters. If I didn’t wake up from surgery, I would
open my eyes to Jesus’ face. Win. If I lived through surgery (which, I
did….spoiler alert), I wake to see loved ones God provided me. Win.
In the midst of suffering, I had a win/win situation.
What a gift.
What mercy.
What grace.
My church is what we call a “confessional Lutheran
church.” Mostly this means that every
Sunday, together as a congregation, we recite a creed. We have 3 to choose from, but mostly we
recite the Apostle’s creed. It’s a
statement of faith.
Unwaivering. The words are succinct and to the point. And sometimes the repetition of it every week
drones on, but it’s like the pledge of allegiance.
It unites.
So many churches all over the world are saying the same words.
The same beliefs. Martin Luther has authored a Small Catechism
where he breaks down so many things into manageable bites and explains
them. The 10 commandments are in there,
as is the Lord’s Prayer, Apostle’s Creed is in there, as well. He breaks it apart and this is the first
article…from the first sentence and its meaning:
The First Article
Creation
I believe in God, the Father Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth.
What does this mean?
I believe that God has made me and all creatures; that He has
given me my body and soul, eyes, ears, and all my members, my reason and all my
senses, and still takes care of them.
He also gives me clothing and shoes, food and drink, house and
home, wife and children, land, animals, and all I have. He richly and daily
provides me with all that I need to support this body and life.
He defends me against all danger and guards and protects me from
all evil. All this He does only out of fatherly, divine goodness and mercy,
without any merit or worthiness in me. For all this it is my duty to thank and
praise, serve and obey Him.
This is most certainly true.
And this provision is truly all I need.
Him.
For me.
His grace and mercy.
What a gift.
