Breathing

I still find myself in the work-from-home-mom mode.


Rushing to get through this and that


So I can get to the work....


Except, that work no longer exists.



I still find myself still feeling guilty for spending time on the floor with my kids rather than working


guilty for doing housework rather than working


guilty for volunteering my time to worthwhile efforts rather than working.


That feeling....the guilt....I hadn't realized how much it had become a part of me.

How much it became a part of my mothering.

How much joy it was stealing.

It's hard to get out of that mode.


But, then there's the sweet release...


When I make plans for a play date with a friend- and feel no guilt.


When I decide to push off a nap time so I can serve at lunch - and feel no need to rush home.


When I can pull a baby on my lap and rock, rock, rock her reading books and singing songs until her eyelids are heavy with sleep.


I can rock her to my heart's content.





I can sing as many verses of "I am Jesus' little lamb" as I want.

 

 

Over and over again.

In the quiet of the corner in her room.

There is no rushing.


There is freedom of guilt.

I have no where else to be.

I have a to-do list itching to get put off.

Allowing me to be present with her. 

 Cuddling with her until both our heads are warm and heavy.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this moment.

This moment to breathe.

 

To cherish.

 

To mother.

 

To have joy.

Bullets and hashtags

1.  The boys had no school on Monday for President's Day (or mid-winter break...whatever you want to call it, but there was no school).  Which means, I think today is Tuesday and will be off a day for the remainder of the week. #todayiswednesdaytodayiswednesdaytodayiswednesday

2.  I did not do my menu planning for February.  I don't know why I never did it, but I'm lost without it.  And I'm blowing my grocery budget. #properpriorplanningpreventspisspoorperformance

3.  Last night, A. asked if he could make dinner.  SURE!  Grilled Cheese for everyone!  Thanks to a FANTASTIC gf bread I found in the freezers at Costco, I was able to enjoy my first grilled cheese in over 4 years.  Actually, it was a grilled cheese with cream cheese, ham and thin apple slices.  Oh yum. #UdisIloveyou

4.  Oh look, more snow. Because you know we don't have enough.  #clearly

5.  I have been whole-heartedly enjoying Michelle's Laid Back Book Club.  Even though I couldn't make it to every meeting, I've read all the books as scheduled.  I've really enjoyed reading books outside my usual genre, and then talking to friends about it.  This month, the book is a long(er) one, and I know that since I read in 5-10 minutes sections a few times a day, I need to get cracking on it.  HOWEVER, a book that I've been eagerly anticipating was released yesterday and is on my kindle.  I spent over an hour reading and crying over this book last night.  I have a feeling that nothing is going to get accomplished until I get through this book.  #readon

6.  Yesterday was so weird.  I ran a bazillion errands.  With baby in tow.  EVERY place we went, a Moody Blues song came on.  Every.single.place.  Even Hobby Lobby played a lovely elevator-music version of "Tuesday afternoon." #Iknowyoureouttheresomewhere #Inyourwildestdreams #Nightsinwhitesatin #melancholyman

7.  I bit it three times on the ice yesterday.  Coming home from grocery shopping, I realized that there was no longer a spot to park that didn't have 7 inches of snow.  So, I parked the (still running) van half in the top of the driveway and half in the road with baby inside...and started shoveling.  The first time I fell, the only thing hurt was my pride.  But hey- no one saw, so I'm all good.  The second time I crunched my back side, hands, wrists and elbows.  The third fall....was the hardest of all- I went down (hard) on my left shin/knee/thigh and left arm.  I just sat there and whimpered for a good 5 minutes until I heard Baby L crying her little heart in the van.  I managed to pick myself up and pull the van into the semi-cleared out parking spot.  Thanks to an overloaded baby stroller, I managed to get the groceries into the house in one trip...but it took me the rest of the day to get them put away due to the pain.  Today it feels like the day after a car accident- stiff and painful.  That's what I get for trying to save my tired husband from shoveling.  #nogooddeedgoesunpunished  #ouch

8.  I cleared off my treadmill and am back on the hamster wheel.  I've signed up for a 5k this summer, so it's time.  It's actually PAST time to get back on it.  My pelvic bone still hurts from Baby L's delivery, and my feet hurt more than ever, but I'll push through.  At least until I can no longer walk on my own. #flatfeetIhateyou #ouchmyhips #colorrunhereIcome

9.  I think there need to be something said about trust.  When it's not there in the past, but hope for it in the future, you need to be totally transparent in the present.  Especially when you're making large decisions that affect many.  You can't drop big decisions on people and expect them to just be accepting and ok with it. Many of you won't understand this comment, and that's ok.  Sorry to be cryptic.  #justsayin #publishthedarnmeetingminutesalready  #thankyouverymuch.

10. C's permanent teeth are starting to come in.  He lost all four front teeth last fall and has had an adorable hole in his smile for a few months.  While it's neat to see him grow (and be able to chew things again), it's sad to see him mature and see his smile change.  In my head he's still my baby boy.  I don't like this growing up-bit one bit.  Not one little bit.  #Iknowyou'renotsupposedtohavefavoritesbutifIhadtochooseonehe'sit.

Luxury

We were so far overdue

 

that we both were having copious amounts of back pain.

 

 

And not sleeping.

 

 

And grumpy during the day

 

 

 

(see back pain and lack of sleep)

 

 

You never know how much a good night's sleep means to daily living

 

Until you don't have it anymore.

 

So, Baby L and I spent the greater part of a Thursday

 

shopping,

 

shopping,

 

laying,

 

shopping,

 

dealing with random skeezy salespersons,

 

shopping,

 

laying,

 

shopping,

 

price comparing,

 

Oh my.

 

 

Until I found our gem.

 

The best deal.

 

Three days later,

 

 

 

 

 

One hour after that:

 

Now, I sleep!

 

No pain!

 

Although, my thighs are starting to hurt from having to CLIMB into bed every night.

 

This mattress sits 15 inches taller than our old one.

 

I used to have to LOOK UP to see the monitor on the side table.

 

Now I'm a good foot above it.

 

But I love it.

 

I love my bed.

 

I love my sleep.

 

Happy day.

 

Happy night.

 

Happy girl.

Hello my friend....hello

Just called to let you know


I think about you every night...

And right about now you should have a Neil Diamond song in your head. 

 

 

My mama raised me right.

 

(that is, unless I got the lyrics wrong...which could very well have happened)


I digress.


Here's a few things on my mind lately:

-  This week is schitzo.  We have meetings every night- except tonight(!), and sometimes double meetings- at which point we need to discuss which ones take priority.  I'm tired, and it's only Wednesday.  Thank goodness for a night "off."

- Today is school day 100 for my boys!  A is a tad on the older side to celebrate such things (his words, not mine), but C is digging it.  He was supposed to dress up like he was 100 years old today, and came down in a double hoodie (a hoodie sweatshirt topped off by another zip up hoodie).  I asked him if that's how he's going to dress when he gets to be 100, and he said, "yep. I plan to dress young my whole life."  #dontevergrowup  either that or #peterpansyndrome - I'm hoping for the former.  Dave and I don't do basement dwellers.

- I have discovered my love for my crockpot.  I'd be lost without it.  I swear that thing gets used 3-4 times a week.  Anyone have any good crockpot recipes?  I'm welcoming applicants.  :)

- Baby L. has shots today.  I hate you, shots.


- Costco has done it again....they've discontinued an item that we love...well, that Dave loves: small cans of V8.  They're a part of his everyday routine.  You cannot do that to a dutch boy.  That simply will not do, Costco.


- I have (what we think is) a pinched nerve in my neck.  On the left side.  I do carry Baby L. on that side- as well as slinging my messenger-style over-packed purse over that portion of my neck...so, it was probably only a matter of time before something gave out over there.  Either way, I'm in pain...anyone have a heating pad I can borrow?


-  Our school auction is coming up in 6 short weeks.  I'm coordinating it- along with a great core team of people.  But I'm worried about failing, and am scared that so much rides on this event.  If you would, please say a prayer for me, for this event, for its success, and for participants (lots of them) to have fun???  Thank you, in advance.

-  I've signed up for the Color Run.  A. just informed me he'll do it with me.  He couldn't have made that decision last week when they were $5 cheaper....nnnnnooooooo.

- For some reason, I got sucked into The Bachelor this season.  I've only ever watched one other season- the first.  Why, oh why did I feel the need to get roped into this smut?!?!?  GAH!  Either way you look at it, I'm invested.  I frequently miss it on TV, though...but thanks to the Interwebs, I catch up quickly and go on my merry way.  Except today...I watched last week's episode and decided I need to know who wins.  I googled some spoilers....oye.  Now I know how it ends.  So, I can stop watching and save myself an hour every week.  :)

-  Ally has an ear infection that will not quit.  We've tried a lot of remedies...and it's still raging.  She's not really herself today: laying around and moping.  I feel bad for her.  I'm afraid a Dr. bill will be in our future for that pup.

-  There are days (many many days in a row) where I don't have a second to myself.  As witnessed by my lack of blog posts or Facebook posts, I just don't have the time.  I can give you a list of everything we're involved in, but then again, so can just about everyone else.  Yesterday, I sat down between 10:13 and 10:30- just enough time to rub a kink in Dave's back, chit chat and head to bed.  What is relatively funny to me is the perception that "not working" means "doing nothing."  And, you know...that's their perception.  Their misinformation.  I'm ok with that and the ignorant things they say.  All I can say is that I'm unbelievably grateful that I don't have the stress of working on top of everything else.  I can put 100% of my effort into things that matter to me and my family rather than being stressed out over meeting a quota and ignoring my family.  So so grateful.

Phoning it in

 

So, it's been a while since I had a phone photo dump...

 

and I was looking through a few today.

 

Thought I'd share some for your viewing pleasure.

 

 

This pic was taken while at a stand still on the highway. 

 

Ditch parties happening everywhere.

 

 

 

The view from my front porch.

 

 

I cannot remember where exactly this pic was taken, but I do think that it's lovely.

 

Yes, even with all that snow.

 

Notice the snow line up to the first branches of the trees.

 

Yep.

 

 

 

 

Baby L. was here.

For 15 minutes.

 

 

 

 

Bob the Builder.

This is what you get when you have 2 older brothers and a contractor for a daddy.

It's actually one of her favorite books.

:)

 

 

 

 

This girl:

is a handful.

(Notice the ziplock bags strewn throughout the background)

 

 

At school.

Baby L. found a way to help Bahr

She's a problem solver, that one.

Or....just plain problem.  :) (Just kidding...kinda)

 

 

 

The boys got science and chemistry kits for Christmas.

C. was SO EXCITED to do experiments.

Certainly a VERY hands-on learner.

 

She randomly sits IN things.

In this case, it's the dog bowl.

Weird baby.  :)

 

 

 

 

 

I told Baby L. that we had to leave and get out coats on.

While I'm getting my coat on, I hear her say "hattie."

I turn around, and she had found A's hat and was putting it on.

Then she would NOT take it off.

So, this is the hat she wore that day.

The whole day.

Yes, all darn day.

Way to commit to the hat, Baby L.

 

 

Taking pictures for our auction posters on his lunch hour.

I thought his stance was a great stabilizer for pics.

Way to get on the kiddos' level, Jon!

 

Dave took on a garbage truck.

The garbage truck won.

Dave was not harmed.

The garbage truck didn't even have a scratch.

Yep.

 

 

 

Eye level with a snow bank.

I'm 5'7"

(well, ok..5' 6 3/4" I round up...it helps my BMI)

 

 

Our road.

 

HEY!  More snow!

 

Go figure.

 

 

 

I took this while sitting on a bridge waiting for our turn at the longest 4-way stop EVER.

There was a smart car in the median.

Perhaps a heavier car wouldn't have floated into the ditch???

 

 

 

Again...brother's hat.

Same girl.

Different brother's hat.

 

 

Blast from the past!

Big brother helping feed the baby.

He's so helpful!

 

 

 

Ok, so this is a tad blurry...my phone doesn't zoom well.

But this is A's bball game on Monday.

Here, A. is tipping off with a boy who is the son of a friend of mine from high school!

I love that they're the same age and play ball.

Warms my heart. :)

 

 

Hey!  Look!

More snow!!!

In this case, drifts up to the classroom windows!

Lovely.

I think we could use another foot or so.

 

Last night during A's second game of the night.

(C really hasn't gotten into the game of basketball yet...and has no interest in watching)

 

But apparently, he has a big interest in being helpful.

He did a great job removing all the scuff marks from the floor!

 

 

 

Sorry it's dark...

 

This morning, we got DUMPED on.

Lots of snow in a short amount of time.

Dave was trying to get out of our driveway to get to work,

without much success.

A. heard the sound of the wheels spinning on the ice.

The third time, he just grabbed his jacket, boots, and (my) mittens and headed out

to help his dad.

I didn't have to ask.

 

He just did it.

With a willing, helpful heart.

 

So, at 6:45am, there they are...

shoveling snow and chipping ice

by headlight.

 

 

Another one from this morning:

She will randomly lay on the kitchen floor with a book.

Always on her stomach,

Always kicking her feet up and down, up and down.

She'll sit there for 15 minutes and look through the book.

Sometimes she jabbers to it, sometimes in silence.

I love her little mind.

 

Tall boots I almost bought...but didn't.

 

Our nephew's birthday was a super hero party.

Dave went a Ghetto Nacho. 

 

Had to go to the Secretary of State's office to register my new van.

We got there- and pulled the number: 91.

They were on 36.

I wanted to cry.

I have to go there again very soon.

I really loathe that place.

 

The power sliding door doesn't work on the passenger side of the van.

I googled a You Tube video,

pulled apart the door,

and fixed it!

You know...for a bit.

#notasplicer

 

 

Baby L. had her first ear infection a few days before her first birthday.

This was on the prescription write up.

 

I would have gladly foregone the nice note in exchange for the

40 minutes they made me wait in the drive thru lane.

But anyway....

Blast from the past:

 

A pic I sent my friend, Michelle, the day after Baby L. was born. :)

 

One of our boys at school.

I love this kiddo.

Business on the top, serious hunter on the bottom.

 

When you're stuck at JoAnn Fabric's after drinking a gallon of coffee, you suddenly have to go.

Even though this picture still makes me want to douse ourselves with anti-bac gel,

I'm grateful she wasn't climbing and rolling all over the floor.

 

 

Jack tagged our living room wall.

Glad he likes our house so much he chose to make it "his territory."

This, my friends, is why Magic Eraser was made.

And, nice "k", Jack!

 

 

 

She likes tiny places to wedge herself.

The smaller, the better.

 

 

 

Tired much?

(notice the protective hand over the car seat???)

 

 

 

 

The boy's first basketball tournament.

The referees for this group rock!

No really...they make calls, but they stop and explain to the kiddos what they did and

(if time) how to correct it.

A. was having a hard time keeping a shoe tied, so this ref stopped,

 got down and helped out my kiddo.

#ilovelutheranschools

 

 

 

Skype with grandma and papa.

Love it.

 

 

 

You never know who you're going to run into at Meijer!

How about an old friend from Latvia!?!?!?

And also, why does my baby look high???

 

 

My sister-in-law took this pic and sent it to me...

 

it was during the family Christmas gathering.

They took Jimmi sledding for the first time ever, and

the kiddos went to burn off energy too.

What a great shot of my boys.

(Thank you, Erin!)

 

 

Meanwhile, Aunt Kris got this shot of Baby L. indoors.

Sucking on a Margaritaville refrigerator magnet.

Lovely. :)

And funny.

 

 

 

Happy Day!

Mondy morning Survival Miscellany

I don't' know much.  But I do know this: I am sick.  It appears that I have both a head cold with stomach flu and fever/chills. It's loads of fun, I tell ya.

• The rest of the house has the head cold.  Again, loads of fun.

• I can't hear a thing.  At all.

• You know the down side to going to bed at7pm on Super Bowl Sunday?  1) Missing the commercials 2) being WIDE awake at 4am.

• I will say that my husband gets MONSTER kudos for going above and beyond the call yesterday while I was laying in bed.  He'd only had 3 choppy hours of sleep, managed to handle all 3 kiddo for most of the day, made dinner, and remained sane.

• I want to have words with Phil.  That darn groundhog is a wuss being scared of a darn shadow, and now I'm stuck with more winter. I'm over it.  Just over it.

• It never fails: everyday C forgets something he'll need at school.  Every blessed day.  Last week it was boots.  This morning we went through his outside bag before school, and he had everything.  He went to school wearing his boots so they weren't forgotten.  I thought we had figured it out.  Then, the carpool comes and picks them up. 2 Seconds after they left, I see Cs's gloves sitting on the entertainment center.  Seriously???  2 minutes before they got picked up, they were inside the bag.  How does this happen?!?!?

• Hey friends, I'm seeking a piece of advice:  how do you do it?  How do you do the carpool, watch basketball games, feed the family, keep up on laundry, keep upon dishes, and not forget about homework?  I'm struggling keeping up with it all, and feel like I can't preplan anything-that I'm literally flying by the seat of my pants all the time.  My opposite-of-type A personality doesn't mind flying by the seat of my pants, but apparently my family does.  They are not fans of eating AFTER bedtime.  So, what's the secret?

• I'm cutting this blog post short. Baby L. is still asleep, so I'm going to capitalize on some quiet house time!  Till next time, friends.