10 weeks left.
Wait....70 days sounds exponentially longer than 10 weeks....
...so I'm going to stay with the weeks for now.
Almost down to single-digit weeks! Woohoo!
Then, I will end my pregnancy career for good.
(Dear God, you better not be laughing at me when I say that this time. Please and Thank you. Amen)
So...instead of a checklist of new and exciting things, I thought I'd do a little satire in celebration of the last quarter of my pregnancy.
You know you're 30 weeks pregnant when:
- Passing gas in front of your spouse is no longer taboo. It's necessary. It's painful, and there's limited space in there. Go ahead....let it out.
- Your children go to hug you good-bye, and get clothes-lined by the belly.
- You keep your cell phone in your front pocket in order to avoid butt-dialing people. However, you're now starting to BABY-dial everyone.
- The 3 point turn you made yesterday in the mini-van is nothing in comparison to the 8 point turn you made in bed last night. Yes, sleeping comfortably has turned into a logistical nightmare.
- The puppy no longer wants to be on your lap....she's sick of getting clobbered by the belly.
- Your crazy workaholic husband says nothing when he catches you napping on the couch. Instead, he kisses you on the cheek and says a prayer of thanks that you're not awake and crabby.
- You take off your sandals, but your feet are still imprinted with sandal straps an hour later.
- There are some points that you can literally feel your hips spreading.
- You play the game "poke the baby" and can loose hours seeing how much hostility a baby can harbor before it pokes back.
- In casual conversation with your spouse, you find out that you've started snoring......10 weeks ago.
- A good night sleep is considered only getting up twice to use the bathroom.
- The words "sciatic nerve" make you scowl. (However, thanks to this post, I'm currently pain free! woohoo!)
- You've gone through more TUMS in the last two months than you have in the last 2 years.
- Being down to one TUMS at 9pm is literally considered an emergency.
- You simultaneously despise and need maternity underwear.
- Your stomach is starting to resemble a funky scene from the movie Alien.
- Your sinuses are on high alert to low pressure systems.
- You'd gladly give up your favorite pair of earrings for a cocktail at GNO.
- Maternity fashion is less about fashion and more about function. And you don't care.
- You are not a cryer by nature, but bawl hysterically watching Toy Story 3. Right before a friend is due to stop over.
- You drop things, and honestly contemplate whether or not you really need that cell phone after all. Some things just aren't worth the bend.
- The loose grip you had on the verbal filter has entirely disappeared. Entirely.
- Your hips develop jowels.
- Even your most favorite activity (shopping/ bargain hunting) sounds like it requires too much effort.
- Unsolicited belly rubs from perfect strangers make you growl. Out loud.
- Pregnancy dreams include riding a Knight Rider big wheel across Lake Michigan to get to Milwaukee.
Goodness....being pregnant is fun. :)