Monday, October 26, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Ah yes, someone here has a "case of the Mondays." I'm not sure if I'm getting that plague going around, having issues with allergies, or just plain off...whatever it is needs to go away. But, just for you...dear bloggy world, I will strap on my smiley face and see if I can sound cheerful and upbeat. :)

Ahhh- see- sideways smile, already a good start.

I am not ridiculously behind in posting updates about my 101 list (see right column under links). I did not find pictures in my camera from June that have not been posted. I'm not a procrastinator.

I do not use updating the blog as a way to procrastinate other things on my "to do list." My list does not have items numbered 1-42 with nothing crossed off at 10 am today. I am not a slacker.

I did not surprise my husband by making him a dip for his chips the other day- just to distract him from the unkept house. I did not fail to fold the kitchen towels (all downstairs) meaning I had to use my jeans as a towel to wipe off the sour cream that got on my finger. I was not thinking "oh, these jeans need to be washed anyway." I did not accidentally wear them three days later (unwashed) when I pulled the wrong jeans off the floor in the dark. I did not notice this until 2pm...upon which time I did not think to myself, "well, the damage is done, I'm a dirty girl today, so I'll stay in these jeans until pj time." Nope, I'm the epitome of cleanliness, and would be appalled at wearing jeans with spoiled sour cream wiped on them. I never use my bedroom floor as a hamper and dresser, and realizing that I was wearing dirty jeans, I would remove them immediately and clean the exposed areas. Gosh- WHO would do that? Not me!

I do not have to add two markers and a crayon to my melted-in-the-oven list from this post. Nope! I have learned my lesson from the other long-and-distinguished list of items that have met their demise in my oven. There is no way my learning curve would be that long.

I do not have two computer games checked out of the library that I cannot find. I have not extended their check out three times already. I did not try again today only to find that there is now a "hold" on these by another library user. I am not hosed. I have not torn my house apart looking for these and am not totally afraid that my 2 year old threw them away. (Because, you 2 your old does not throw everything of value away - and this is not at all what I believe happened to my original wedding ring. Ugh.)

I did not find my gluten free nemesis at the pumpkin patch last weekend when Colin chose a pumpkin spice donut with cream cheese frosting for his snack. I did not wince when he pointed to the grand hoo-ha donut. I did not drool over it the whole time he was eating it. I did not take it one step further by continuously asking "Mmm, Colin...that looks yummy." "Is that good? You enjoying that?" I did not inhale the yummy good scent of the leftover donut until I was almost high on it. Ugh...I did not totally curse myself for being gluten free this day. I have not been craving pumpkin spice donuts with cream cheese frosting since that day.

And to top it off...(you know, like cream cheese frosting), here's a few things I did not say this week:

  • Honey, I'm driving, I cannot stop to kiss your ouchie. ...What? Your ouchie is on your butt?......No, Colin, I will not kiss your butt...............No, I will not kiss Adam's butt...........No, Adam will not kiss your butt...............No, Daddy will not kiss your butt..........No, you don't want to kiss daddy's butt........................yes, it is stinky.

  • Wow, put stickers in your hair!........Yes, you do look handsome....And I see you found mommy's lipstick..........well, it's not that handsome in your hair, but ok...very creative........and now you're without clothing and you've colored blue and brown all over yourself....and daddy's boots top off the ensemble....nice. How about some bubbles in your bath?

  • Yes, Adam I do have hairs in weird places on my eyebrows..................... Well, that's because I haven't had them waxed in a long time and I cannot find the tweezers. Do you know where the tweezers went?........................ Colin was tweezing his eyebrows? Doubt that................................ Yes, Adam, I do intend on getting rid of that hair as soon as the new month comes along and the envelopes are full again............................... Yes, I'm looking forward to not being scary too.

Ok, I'm off to start the work week. I hope you all have a great week too. To see what everyone else has not been doing, go here.


Shaun said...

Great Not Me! Monday post!!!!

Shelly said...

That was great. Happy Monday. 8)

MannMom3 said...

Love your Not Me's!!!

Brittney said...

Too funny! And your "I will not kiss your butt" conversation reminded me of an AFV video I saw recently!!

Heidi said...

I think you need to add item #43- Make a shorter to-do list!