Monday, August 10, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Not Me! Monday is actually a blog carnival started by this blog. You can click on the link and see what everyone else has not been doing this week.

In light of recent events at our house, I don't have much parenting Not Me! stuff to talk about- seeing that I did not have our children in my care for a majority of the week. But, as mentioned in my previous post, we had a ghetto-fabulous wedding this past weekend. There's PLENTY of Not Me!'s here. Read on, my friends:

  • I did not secretly have a bad attitude about having to attend the rehearsal with my husband. I was certainly not ornery about having to attend this while my brother and his family were in town for the first time in almost 5 years. I was not praying for the entire night for God to change my heart about it. I did not hear "Sandy, take one for the team." in my head the entire night. God did not reward me by giving me a new friend that I spent the rest of the night talking to. (Cause He's just totally awesome like that).

  • Dave and I did not go to the rehearsal in "business casual" attire only to find the rest of the wedding party in ripped blue jeans, tank tops, and some gangsta t-shirts. We did not head home between the rehearsal and dinner to change into more "appropriate attire."

  • The wedding rehearsal did not take over 2 hours. I did not get out my cell phone and start calling friends, parents and in-laws (Happy Birthday, Poppa Hoppa!) to pass the time. My favorite phone call was not to my in-laws who know these people well, and could commiserate with me. I was not loving the fact that they could laugh with me. Misery does not love company.

  • At the rehearsal dinner, I was not totally impressed that the pastor's wife had tattoos. She did not jump a few notches in my book that night. Cause I am totally not impressed by that kind of thing.

  • The rehearsal dinner did not consist of pizza and beer. Two things I cannot consume. I do not miss pizza terribly. Grrrrr.....

  • I did not totally enjoy sleeping in (until 7:30!!!) the day of the wedding. I was not totally grateful to not have children in my care. I did not have every intention on setting my alarm to get up early, clean the house, and get all my audits in. I did not spend the first hour of the morning in a quiet house, sipping my tea, talking to the dog, and reading a long forgotten devotional. Productivity is always the first priority in the Hop household, and I would never use precious kid-free time to lounge and refresh my spirit.

  • I did not refuse to get dressed in order to drop Dave off at the church to get ready. I did not drive him there in my pajamas- minus shoes, bra and combed hair. I did not secretly think that I could probably go to the wedding just like that and still be dressed better than some other guests. I was not completely correct in that thought. Nope! Not Me!

  • I did not get to the church (in appropriate attire, of course) to find the groomsmen in the parking lot. The tuxedos were not ALL black with the exception of black and white saddle shoes. I was not surprised that this groom pimped out tuxedos for his wedding. Even in this get-up- my husband still did not look like a pimp. (no, really, he didn't...)
  • I think the white boutonniere really sets off the white in the shoes, don't you think?

  • I did not get to the reception only to find that the women's restroom toilets did not flush. Apparently the dozen or so women that were there before me didn't care. A friend and I did not hijack the men's restroom (and the only working stall in the joint) to relieve ourselves.

  • There were not prolonged lulls in the action at the reception. The MC's of the night did not assume that their titles were titles only, and did not refuse to do any work at the reception. They were not one of the first guests strapped to the bar.

  • We did not get so bored during the reception that some of the guests filled the centerpieces with beer and alcohol. They did not start passing said centerpiece around the hall. The following pictures were not taken:

  • (By the way, I did not partake in this endeavor (no, really I didn't). I was enjoying my 7 & 7's all night, and know better than to drink from the community punch bowl. But apparently, I don't know when to stop drinking 7&7's))

  • I did not purposely grab my camera for the sole purpose of catching my husband dancing to footloose on film. His reputation did not proceed him at this wedding- and a few people did not ask me if I had requested "Footloose" with the deejay yet. I did not get it on film. I will not be posting it in the days to come. I would never think of desplaying my husband's silly half-drunken actions on the blog for the world to see- even though I have his permission to do so.

  • I was not totally obsessed with everyone's attire throughout the evening. I was not grading them only to try to find the best dressed of the evening. While I was not disappointed by the amount of "working attire" at this function, I did find the cherry on top. She was sparkly.

And the fake hair piece with the tight curls just sets off the whole outfit, don't you think?

  • I did not eat 1/2 cup of corn and 2 bites of salad before I noticed that the salad had dressing on it. I did not realize that said dressing had gluten in it until an hour later when my stomach blew up. I did not spend the rest of the night doubled over in agony. My half-intoxicated husband did not say to me, "Come on! Have some fun! This is Jamie's wedding!" and go back to the dance floor. I did not spend the next hour helping the groom's parents fold chairs so I could camouflage the fact that I was all hunched over in pain.
  • Toward the end of the night, when I could no longer stand up right, I did not adjourn myself to our van in the parking lot. I did tell our friends to let my husband know my where-abouts (he was not on the dance floor in the middle of the gangsta guys). I did not see them drive away 15 minutes after I went outside. She did not forget to tell my husband where I was. He did not spend 20 minutes looking for me- thinking I had left him behind. Oops.
And here's a few things the others did not do:
  • At the rehearsal dinner, stupid guy did not bring his little chihuahua and dachshund dogs into the back yard where the groom and his bride own two LARGE protective dogs. The chihuahua did not have "little man syndrome" and try to prove something to the largest dog. This little snack pack sized dog did not end up going for a ride in the mouth of the larger dog. Twice. The dachshund did not also take a little beating from the smaller of the two dogs in residence. Both small dogs are fine- with a few scrapes and stitches. The dog's owner did not have to fork out $650 for this incident. (By they way, this is not the first interlude these dogs have had. Three weeks ago, stupid guy brought these dogs to this house, and they did NOT get along then, either. Not sure why they thought it would be a good idea to bring them again with an additional 50 adults and 20 kids added to the equation.)

  • A few of the groomsmen did not "break rank" during the ceremony to step into the main aisle, turn on their digital cameras and take pictures. Yes, DURING the ceremony. No, this certainly did not happen. Everyone has been properly groomed to know that this is a church service for worshipping the God who brought these two together. Not for entertainment purposes. I was not entertained in the slightest.

  • There were not vulturous women at this reception. They did not dance on the outside of the dance floor wagging their booties at the single guys. This did not remind me of some mating dances I saw at the zoo lately. But, I digress...


Kathy said...

Oh Sandy! I so wish I could have been a fly on the wall at that reception! Oh my gosh, hilarious! And that sparkly dress with the fake hair, WOW.

Jeanette said...

(laughing hysterically) if only the weddings I attend could be so (not) fun!

Sandy Hop said...

I actually did have a good time! This was just all the not me! fun things I could come up with. And, the pastor had an AWESOME message - full of witnessing, and a great message about relationships from any angle- dating, married, etc.

Jennie said...

oh my goodness, i am cracking up! this is hilarious!!!!!!! glad to see your comment that it was actually a good time!

Summer said...

I can absolutely see the whole thing with your descriptions, I have been to a few of those in my day. When the guests start drinking from the centerpieces, it's pretty much all down hill!