Monday, October 18, 2010

I'm a horrible, opportunistic, dishonest wife.

But I'm filing this under "it was for his own good."

Let me preface this by saying I love my husband.  I love almost everything about him. 

I love the fact that he's dutch. 
And being dutch makes him extra frugal. 
He uses things until they are unusable. 
 Socks are worn paper thin. 
Work shirts have holes and worn seams.

Sometimes people think I'm dressing a raggamuffin.
Except I have nothing to do with how my husband dresses on any day.

Except Sunday.  I help him with that.

Ok, onto my terrible wifedom.

You see, my husband has this...this....well, I guess you can call it a pillow.

It's been his pillow since he was in 5th grade.

Which makes that pillow...well, very very old.
Old enough to drive, vote, and enjoy an adult beverage.

It grossed me out.
I've been known to make a crinkled nose or two during sheet change day.

Over the past 9 years I've threatened to change it out.

"you wouldn't dare." he'd say.

Well, one night I managed to find my spine, and switched his pillow out with an extra one we had in our room.
He came to bed.
I laid there waiting for an eruption of "WHERE'S MY PILLOW?!?!"

He fell asleep.

So, I left Nasty on the ground where I threw her during the switch.
I pushed her under the bed with a brush of my foot.


"Is this my pillow?  Do you know where my pillow is?  Is this my pillow?"

Me:  (pretending to be mostly asleep, except my heart was beating so hard since I'd just been caught) "I don't know, honey.  Go to sleep."

That was two weeks ago.

For two weeks, I've been sleeping with Nasty under my bed.

So, today:

I threw her away.

That's right.  I pulled her from under my bed, and bid Nasty a final farewell.

Said the horrible, opportunistic wife who now has a very clean bed.  :)


Cecily said...

SO proud of you! LOL! I really need to do that with my husbands t-shirt problem. See, he likes to wear his old t-shirts that are covered in holes and stains and all faded and he REFUSES to get rid of them. So I make them "disappear" every now and then, but I haven't been able to toss them yet - they just sit buried in my craft room. :)

Rach said...

hahahaha....that's awesome...except for when he reads this and realizes that Nasty has been tossed. My husband loves old flattened pillows too. You can achieve this type of pillow by buying the cheapest kind they make...I got two $7 pillows from BB&Beyond last year...started out fluffy^ big & now they are flat as pancakes & he LOVES them!

Jennifer said...

Oh my goodness. I can't believe he's had the same pillow that long. That's really gross!! I would've thrown it out long ago! :)My husband is the same way with his t-shirts. I have to clean out his dresser when he's not home-and he NEVER realizes when I've done it! I definitely throw them out right away too...I don't have anywhere to hide them! ha

mrsmarkdave said...

You're my inspiration. My husband still sleeps with his baby blanket. Yes - BABY BLANKET. And it is the nastiest thing EVER. I refuse to touch it. In fact, when I change the sheets, I work around this blanket. If I have to pick it up, I wrap my hand in a shirt first so my skin makes no contact. It grosses me out to no end. (He sleeps with it under his pillow.)
I've threatened our whole marriage to get rid of it. he tells me I'm welcome to if I can find another one to replace it that is just as soft. A 31 year old blanket, I don't believe, could ever be classified as "soft". I think I'm stuck, though.

Brittney said...

LOL!!!!!! How hilarious!!!! Way to chuck ol' Nasty for good. :)

Julie said...

Hey Sandy, thank you for stopping by my blog. I so apprecaited your comment about my dilema. Do you think you could help me find out how many grans of protein I'd need a day? I'm 5'7", 197 lbs. I love protein so don't think I'd have any problems adding more if I knew the right amount.
I just spent the last 1/2 hour reading your blog. I love it. You are so amazing. I love your honesty, down to earth, way you share. I am following you now.
Take care Sandy and have a blessed evening.

Julie said...

Hey I also forgot to tell you. A long time ago my hubby had one of those pillows. I accidently laid it on our old gas furance and it melted it. For years, and we've been married 30 years now, I have heard how I killed his favorite pillow. Guys and their favorite things. Just don't get them sometimes.
Loved your story. :o)

The Mama said...

Ohmygoodness! I loved this post. It was absolutely hilarious. too funny! Good for you - I mean, he was for his own good right? :)

Mama M. said...

THAT is hilarious!! I love how you stealthily just hid it under the best first, to test the waters...then made the big move to the trash can after it was "safe"!!

You crack me up! But, er...what will happen when he reads this?

Will he rescue Nasty from the trash?

trooppetrie said...

so my husband had one of those kind of pillows. he deployed and my son took it over. pillow case and all. so my husband deploys and my son takes over his pillow. i thought okay that is nice. but 5 years later we still have that pillow with the ranky pillow case.

Kate said...

"Is this my pillow? Do you know where my pillow is? Is this my pillow?"

HAHAHAHA!! Your husband is adorable. I wish I had the guts to get of some nasty stuff too!

Sandy S. said...

Oh my, can you come get rid of my husbands pillow? I can't do it. I've sewn it back together so many times it's not even funny. It's so gross! BUT I can't do it...I just can't toss it!