Monday, July 20, 2009

Not My Child! Monday

We're mixing up the Not Me! Monday a bit and turning it on the kiddos. Strangely enough, I used to have a lot of stories to tell, but now that I'm on the spot they escape me! Anyway, to see the creator of this crazy brutally honest carnival go here and check out what all the other crazy kids have been doing.

Two years ago, my first born was certainly not having issues understanding boundaries and personal property. So, when I was working for a half hour, my child certainly did not go to the neighbor's house, walk in and start playing with all the toys in their playroom - when no one was home. Said neighbor was not a little put off to come for a quiet lunch break (the wife and kids were out) only to find my son sitting in the middle of a mess in their playroom. Not my child! I'm always on top of where they are and they are never unsupervised for more than 4 minutes!

My eldest certainly does not save his BM's for public domain. He does not poop everywhere we go- stores, friend's houses, school, church, grandparent's houses. My eldest did not poop in my in-laws RV after we were keeping him out of the house so grandma could sleep. He did not silently disappear into the bathroom of their empty-water-tanked RV, drop trow, and dump. Not my child!

On another occasion, my eldest did not spend too much time in the church bathroom during the service one day. I did not send my husband in after him only to have him find the boy sitting on the urinal pooping. No way! Not my Child! As a woman, I'm constantly on top of all the weird things my boys will see in the men's bathrooms and am completely proactive in telling them what is and is not ok to do in public restrooms. Thankfully, my husband does know where all the cleaners were, and no one was the wiser. (until today!!!)

My youngest is not obsessed with anything under the diaper. He does not always try to rip it off when I'm not looking. He does not introduce anyone changing him to his penis by saying "Hi penis!" Nope! Not my child! We have taught our children to be proper little gentlemen and that there is a voodoo associated with genitalia and are not to be talked about in public. (Ha!)

This youngest child is not a little clepto, and did not take off with my wedding ring that I placed on my computer keyboard (yes, I know...the best place to store it...). We have not looked high and low for said wedding ring. We did not finally replace it. Even though the new one is larger and beautiful, I am not devastated by this loss, and would gladly put the smaller one on if we ever find it. I have not given this child other non-important jewelry to see if he'll give away his hiding spot. Said child is not on to my ploy. Nuh-uh...not my kid.

Both boys are totally not into watching me put on makeup. I did not start to allow Adam to put powder on my face so he stayed quiet and out of the other compacts. This was not abruptly halted when my husband caught him trying to put powder on himself. I am completely astute in making sure that gender lines are drawn, and am sure that this will not scar their masculinity for life. Yep.

Watching makeup has certainly not turned my youngest into a marker-obsessed self-coloring hound. He did not pretend a green marker was eyeliner. I was not actually impressed by how well he did.


Pink Slippers said...

Very funny post!

Summer said...

Ohmigosh, so funny! The urinal story is too cute, and I am so happy to hear other little guys loving the girly things every now and then. My 3 year old son loves to put on his older sister's pink Barbie shoes and parade around the house!

Rach said...

dude....I totally want to have boys....but after I think about all the parts that come with....maybe being a "girl-have-r" is just fine with me....boys have willys....eewwww. super funny sandy