Rushing to get through this and that
So I can get to the work....
Except, that work no longer exists.
I still find myself still feeling guilty for spending time on the floor with my kids rather than working
guilty for doing housework rather than working
guilty for volunteering my time to worthwhile efforts rather than working.
That feeling....the guilt....I hadn't realized how much it had become a part of me.
How much it became a part of my mothering.
How much joy it was stealing.
It's hard to get out of that mode.
But, then there's the sweet release...
When I make plans for a play date with a friend- and feel no guilt.
When I decide to push off a nap time so I can serve at lunch - and feel no need to rush home.
When I can pull a baby on my lap and rock, rock, rock her reading books and singing songs until her eyelids are heavy with sleep.
I can rock her to my heart's content.
I can sing as many verses of "I am Jesus' little lamb" as I want.
Over and over again.
In the quiet of the corner in her room.
There is no rushing.
There is freedom of guilt.
I have no where else to be.
I have a to-do list itching to get put off.
Allowing me to be present with her.
Cuddling with her until both our heads are warm and heavy.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am for this moment.
This moment to breathe.
To have joy.