Monday, November 30, 2009

Not Me! Monday

Ok, I wasn't going to do a Not Me! Monday post this week, but there's so many things that I didn't, I'm writing them today to save you the novella next week.

I did not head to Sam's Club in paint-stained sweat pants, white t-shirt and unwashed hair ponied up with tennis shoes so that I could pretend that I was the just-finished-working-out-mom-running-a-quick-errand-on-the-way-home-from-the-gym instead of the too-lazy-to-give-a-darn-mom that I actually am.  Did it work?  Did I pull off the rouse?  Not sure, don't care.  What?!?!  Really?!?!  Nope!  Not me!  I would never go out in public without the 1 1/2 hour long grooming ritual that I do everyday.  Personal appearance- and what other's think of me- is always on the top of my priority list.  After all, what other's think of you completely determines one's self worth, right?  Right?  (crickets...)

I did not make my family wait for an hour after church with empty bellies and crabby attitudes so I could fix them a nutritious lunch.  I did not spend that hour talking to Dave about how the boys need to eat a more nutritiously balanced diet.  I did not serve C. Kraft Mac & Cheese and a hot dog for lunch today.  Nope, not me!  I'm always following through on doing the right thing- expecially when I've just had a serious conversation with my dear husband about it.  I am not consistently inconsistent.

I did not drag my two boys through a Hallmark store on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  First, I would never brave the crowds with two children in tow, and second I would know better than to bring them to a Hallmark store.  Everyone knows that little boys cannot keep their hands to themselves, and bringing them to a Hallmark store is like bringing a bull through a China shop.  Not me!  I would never to that!  Not to myself.  Not to the boys.  Not to the poor Hallmark store owners.

A few things I did not say this past week:
  • Um...A., I know you want to help daddy pick up Molly's poop.  Um...yeah, he uses gloves and a baggie to pick them up.  Yes, I know...that one was still warm.  Let's go find a sink with lots and lots of soap.  Now...where did daddy put the finger nail clippers?
  • C....just because you could see her butt crack when she bent over, doesn't mean you need to put your finger in there. 
  • C. did not say, "Time out sucks."  When I put him into time out last our small bible study.

Ok, that's enough for this week.  Check here to see what everyone else has not been doing.


inadvertent farmer said...

Oh that was you I saw! Lol, I do the same sweat pants thing...more often than I will admit to!

Hallmark should have a parental warning on the door "people with small children enter at your won risk" I have four boys so needless to say I haven't been in one in years!

Great post, Kim

Jessica Elizabeth said...

That was hilarious - you made my day!

Rach said...

Ha ha. Time out does suck. Thanks for the laugh

Thomas and Jamie said...

Oh my goodness! That was hilarious! Time out really isn't any fun, though! hahaha

Brittney said...

Ha! Your boys sound so fun!

Whimsical Creations said...

LOL! Those are great!!