Thursday, July 8, 2010

To sing the same untuned Song...or hum along to a new Melody.

I'm learning a lot about friendships as life goes on.

Not everyone is trustworthy.  Not everyone is honest.

Not everyone has to be your best friend.

Some people just want to take advantage of you.
Some people are just nice.

Differences can be fun and disfunctional all at the same time.

I have a friend...we'll call her Song.*
*yeah, that's so not her name...but play along, there's a fun little metaphor in it for ya.

We go back...quite a ways.

At least 18 years.

At first, just acquaintences, then good friends, then best friends.

Boyfriends, bars, break-ups, Weddings, babies...been there, pretty much together.

Then a new friend arrived on the scene.  On her scene.

And I was isolated.
Apparently, the idea of "why can't we all be friends" doesn't work for them.

That friend flaked out, and of course, Song and I are good friends again.

And another new friend comes on her scene...again.

And again, I'm forgotten.

Shut out.

Thinking, "what the heck have I done wrong?"

"What is it about me and my friendship that makes me so......so.....disposable?"

I started to pray about it. 
Asking God to let me know whether I sing the same old untuned song of friendship, or move on.

Then my mentor mom spoke at a MOPS meeting, and she talked about the friendship ladder.  The bottom rung is strangers, then up to acquaintances, then friends, then good friends, and then best friends.  That top rung is a small one- so (besides your spouse) there's only room for one or two people up there.  If someone doesn't belong on that rung, you need to relocate them to a more appropriate one.

I thought of Song.

I had her on the wrong rung.

Time to relocate.

Which is a good realization.  Now I will have realistic expectations for that friendship. 
And realistic boundries.

In addition to that, in the past year, friends and great neighbors have moved farther away, great friends have left our small group, A. leaves his preschool- which actually means the friendships I made with the parents in that preschool are no longer necessary, other friends are just plain busy with other things.  So, again, feeling left behind.

There's a lot of rung moving on my ladder going on.  :)

God, what are you trying to tell me here?
Am I to be steadfast in my friendships? 
Or are you making me available for something else?
I tacked it on my prayers for the past few months.

I prayed:  God, please show me the kind of friend you want me to have.  The kind that will show me what you think a friend is.  The kind of friend that will work in our lives as they are now.  The kind of friend that will appreciate me for who I am, not what I wear, my social status, or what I can do for them.  The kind of friendship with trust.  Amen.




And when I trusted Him and stopped trying to sing an untuned song, God sent me a Melody.

(actually 2 Melody's ... but the other one was introduced in a different post)

These Melody's ...they're both pretty special ladies.

They've given me (and my family) friendship, support, encouragement,
and new opportunities for growth.

One Melody, in particular, has inserted herself into our lives with great ease.

The boys are big fans of her kids.

Our husbands get along.

And, of course, so do we.

One day, she asked me if I'd like to join her in enjoying her Mother's Day gift.

Spa massage and Starbucks.



Uhhhh, yeah.

I had some free spa service cards to an Aveda school from our MOPS spa day, so I offered her the spare.

Pedicures.
(Below:  That's Jenna painting the hydrating formula on my feet.  Isn't Jenna the cutest thing?  She was very sweet.)
Which translated into a total day of relaxation, caffiene, getting to know each other,
and (of course) pretty toes.



Oh, and friends that help us tackle items on the list...# 91- Get a massage.  Hooray!

Thanks, Mel!

2 comments:

Stacy of KSW said...

What an absolutely wonderful post and a perfect way for me to insert myself here ... since I'm happening to your site b way of New Friend Friday.

I have a little working to do on my ladder rungs myself and wishing folks in real life would open up some of those bottom rungs the same way us bloggers do. :)

Pleased to meet you - my name is Stacy

SmartShopaholic said...

I love the ladder illustration. What a great way of thinking about it. I had to make some adjustments
earlier this year. Spa day looks fun! :)

I love your 101 things list.